Notsorandomgirl

It happened shortly after my 12th birthday. He was a good family friend—I had met him when I was nine years old. The day he started sexually abusing me was pretty ordinary, he came to pick me up from school as he sometimes did with permission from my mother. We went to get milkshakes and when he said he’d like to take me for a drive to Rhodes Memorial, I was excited as I had never been there before.

He found a quiet spot to park and asked me if I had seen a penis before. I found his question odd and replied no. He said, “You’re a pretty girl. When your breasts start to grow, boys will want to take advantage of you.” He said he would make it his duty to make sure that didn’t happen. As that stage, I was totally blank as to what the connection was between having seen a penis and boys taking advantage of me because of my breasts.

He then unzipped his pants, took out his penis and asked, “Do you want to touch it?” I shook my head, looked out the window and asked him to take me home. He ‘kindly’ mentioned that it wasn’t a question but an order, and proceeded to remind me that we were stuck in

the middle of nowhere and he could do worse to me if I wasn’t co-operative. Startled by how aggressive his tone was, I looked at him and saw that he wasn’t joking.

I unwillingly touched his penis, not sure where or how I should be touching it. He guided me to stroke the shaft and go down all the way to his balls. I had never been that disgusted in my entire life. What repelled me most was the sound of his breath and the fact that he wanted to stick his tongue in my mouth. He squirted pre-cum, took my head with one hand, guided it to his crotch and ordered me to take his penis into my mouth.

I nearly puked. I had never experienced fear, disgust and humiliation in such an intense combination before. Fear that he might kill me, fear that no one would believe me. I wished I were dead rather than live through that experience. When he was satisfied, he asked me to slip a finger in my pussy but I couldn’t move. It was as if I was suddenly paralysed. All I could do was cry.

He put his penis back into his pants, and said, “Stop crying.” He made it clear that I was under no terms to tell anyone about the incident. After he had dropped me at home, I couldn’t eat or touch my books for the rest of the day. I bathed twice and washed my mouth numerous times, but I still felt dirty inside. I felt dirty about the secret I had to keep.

That day was the beginnings of 14 months of sexual abuse where I got introduced to oral sex. My biggest fear was that he would rape me when he started indicating that he wanted to be the first person to have sex with me.

Notsorandomgirl loves blowing bubbles and dancing.