The few weeks since that night we met at Suzy’s have been the most amazing of my life. I never knew I could feel so connected to someone, as though we’ve known each other all our lives. I don’t remember a time when I was this happy and fulfilled. She is so different from all the other women I’ve been with. She has larger-than-life dreams and aspirations. She wants to travel the world and sing professionally. Sometimes, when I listen to her talk about the future, I can’t help but feel like I limit myself. She has interests, goals, plans and dreams – while all I want to do is look after my mother!

She says that it’s admirable that I want to make sure my mother is well taken care of. Her parents died when she was very young and I guess she longs to have what I have with my mother. Her brother is all the family she has and he takes good care of her. She wants for nothing, which also makes being her boyfriend a little hard. There is nothing I can buy for her that her brother hasn’t already bought.

Yet Reneilwe doesn’t make me feel like I should be doing anything more than loving her; she is just a good person.

I can’t believe how happy I am, suddenly. I have a job that pays enough, I am taking care of my mother, and I have the most beautiful woman alive to call my own. I don’t regret moving here at all. Life can only get better.

I won’t lie, I do spend a significant amount of time worrying that Reneilwe and I will be found out at some point. I haven’t told a soul about our new relationship. We agreed it would be better to keep it a tight secret. I also thought it would be best not to spend too much time at Ruby’s Jazz Lounge. I’ve been there twice and Bra Cobra was there the last time I went.

Reneilwe’s brother is very intimidating. Four men, who carry guns, follow him everywhere. Rene and I both fear that I might be shot in the head, i.e. dead, so we take all the necessary precautions. The times I can call are planned beforehand and we don’t stay on the line for too long or say anything romantic.

We’ve been very careful so far: we meet at different locations every time.

But this weekend is our first together at her place. Her brother is out of town and we’ve taken advantage of the opportunity. We have two whole days and nights to ourselves and it all feels like a dream.

She’s lying in my arms telling me stories about her childhood and her dreams, as we listen to all her favourite songs from her vinyl collection, stacked on a tiny table behind her bedroom door. Her powder-blue bedroom walls are covered with posters and newspaper cuttings of Miriam Makeba and musicians I’ve never heard of. Her small desk is littered with pieces of paper that she won’t let me read: scribblings of unfinished songs and poetry.

“All I want to do is be a singer, be signed to a record label. I would do anything to forget about singing in that low-life jazz club,” she says, bringing us back to reality.

“Why don’t you do that? I mean singing is important to you; you should go after what you want,” I say sincerely.

“I wish it were that easy. My brother controls too much of my life. I couldn’t make a move without him stepping in to make sure it all goes how he wants it to,” she says with a very sad look in her eyes.

This makes me feel equally sad. I wish there was something I could do, somewhere I could take her so she could fulfil her dreams.

“Then let’s leave Sophiatown. Where would you like to go?” I ask eagerly.

“We can’t go anywhere. Don’t be ridiculous! You have responsibilities and my brother isn’t the kind of person you can simply run away from,” she says.

“Reneilwe, just for one second forget about my responsibilities and your brother. Close your eyes … and now just imagine where you would want to be if you were free,” I say.

She gives me her classic ‘You’re insane, Muzi’ look, then closes her eyes.

“When I was about 10 years old my father took us on a trip to Mozambique. It was the only trip we took as a family. My brother was still a teenager and didn’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Looking back now we were probably hiding from the police or one of my father’s enemies.

“It’s much less racially divided than this place. My mother took me to the beach every single day for the month we spent there. It was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen. I had the time of my life,” she says and then she opens her eyes and gives me that look that makes me feel she can see right into my soul. My breath catches in my throat and my mouth feels dry.

“I don’t know if I can follow my dreams in Mozambique, but I know I want to go back there for a while. If I were to run off with you, that’s where I’d like to go. I want to be in the last place I saw my mother happy and alive,” she says, her eyes welling up with tears.

“Then that’s where we’ll go. We’ll spend time on a beautiful beach and find a way for you to sing … and I’ll work at a hotel or bar; it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we’ll be free to be together. We won’t have to hide anymore,” I say.

She throws her arms around me and we fall back onto her bed. I want to spend the rest of my life with her; I’ve never wanted anything more. Then suddenly she pulls away and, looking deeply into my eyes, she says, “I’m ready, Muzi. I want you to make love to me.”

Without a word I pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately.

 ***

Tell us: Do you think Muzi and Reneilwe’s relationship can last?