I’ve been living in Johannesburg for five months now. I managed to get a job as a security guard at the Carlton Shopping Centre, right in the city centre. I work weekdays, switching day and night shifts every two weeks. Though my boss treats me like trash, the pay is okay. I can afford to help Zweli with rent for the small back room we now share. And I’ve managed to stay on track with my goals. I send Mama money every month and I have started putting money aside for a rainy day. I’ve really got the hang of this whole responsible man thing, even if I say so myself.

The only thing I seem to be neglecting is my relationship. I haven’t written to Nokulunga in three months. It’s hard for each of us to get to a phone at the same time and talk. And … I admit I feel differently about being tied to one woman, now that Zweli has introduced me to the life of dating and sex. I haven’t had any serious relationships, but my experience has really given me a lot to think about.

I’ve decided I want a woman with ambition, drive and a sense of adventure, not a dutiful wife-to-be, and Nokulunga doesn’t exactly fit that description. Or maybe my mother is right and this city has corrupted me. Why am I sabotaging a perfect relationship with a good church-going girl? I don’t know. I guess I’ll see how things work themselves out.

It’s been exactly three years since Zweli moved here, after our father disappeared without a trace. In the five months I’ve been in Sophiatown I’ve discovered why he has seldom sent money home: he spends a lot of time at the local shebeens and clubs.

At first I kept my distance from my brother and his friends, and silently judged them for their after-hour activities. One night, as he was heading to another shebeen, I even asked Zweli why he drank so much. He said, “Bafo, I drink to forget. I had big dreams and I have yet to achieve them. So now I drink so I don’t feel like a complete failure every day of my life.”

His answer made sense; he was drowning his sorrows. Going out every weekend gave him some comfort. It was a release, something to keep the stress at bay. So now I go out with Zweli and his friends and do it too. I don’t drink as much as they do, but I use the weekends as a form of relaxation. I go out and forget that my boss treats me badly, pays me poorly, and that I’m far from home.

Every Friday is a party in Sophiatown. The people here dance their cares away. Eish, this place can really change a man. The women here are loose and the men spend money like it grows on trees.

Zweli and Lebo have been talking about this underground jazz club that they recently started going to. It’s supposedly illegal, unlicensed, but worth a night in jail, they say. Apparently the police have raided the place three times since it opened. I haven’t been out in a while, so I figure it won’t hurt to go there tonight. By 8pm we are dressed and in Lebo’s car, heading to Mam’ Ruby’s Jazz lounge.

Mam’ Ruby’s isn’t at all what I had expected. It’s on the edge of Sophiatown and at first glance it looks like a regular old tavern, nothing special. As you make your way into the club there is a stage in the middle of the dance floor, which is quite unusual.

We’ve been here for about an hour now and the night is in full swing. The drinks are flowing, the music has the people dancing. They have live performers all night, singing us into a seriously drunk state. I, for one, am really close to drunk right now. The place is packed, the room is starting to spin and I’m definitely having the time of my life.

Damn, I’ve lost Zweli and Lebo. I need to look for them.

I am searching the room when suddenly I catch sight of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She’s wearing a tight ruby-red dress and has her hair up in a sleek bun. She’s making her way through the crowd. Ah, she’s breathtaking!

Then the MC announces: “Now for the last songstress of the evening, ladies and gents. Drink and be merry to the sweet, soulful sounds of Candy …”

My dream girl makes her way onto the stage and I swear my heart stops beating the moment she starts singing. She is like no-one I’ve ever seen before: her voice so pure, her beauty so innocent. I am completely taken by surprise. All I can do is stand there, struck by how beautiful she is.

At this very moment I’m falling in love.

I have to get a better look at her, so I push my way through the crowd to get closer to the stage. Half way through her song she looks in my direction and our eyes meet. This confirms it! She is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Then she starts walking towards me … and everything around us stops. All that matters is how I feel right now. All I can focus on is her walking closer … and how nervous I suddenly feel. And then she is standing in front of me staring up at me, singing and looking deep into my eyes like she’s looking right into my soul.

The next thing I know there is a commotion at the entrance and people start running in all directions. The police have barged in and are arresting people left, right and centre. She looks back to see what is happening. I know I can’t let this moment pass me by, so I quickly pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately. In that moment everything around us feels like it’s moving in slow motion.

As suddenly as it all happened, it ends, and we are roughly pulled apart by two cops. As I’m being dragged away, all I can think about is whether I’ll ever see or hold her again. Then I’m shoved into the back of a van.

That kiss in Mam’ Ruby’s has changed my life forever. I know I’ll never be the same. She is all I’ll ever think of.

I need to find her, but all I have is a name, a face and a feeling I can’t shake.

***

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