“What’s wrong?” Gorata asked.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I wasn’t really. I had a lot on my mind.

“You were so quiet at the party.”

“Who really can get a word in with Lillian around?”

Gorata laughed and I was reminded how lovely she was when she laughed. It made me feel better. I leaned forward and kissed her. “I’m fine. Really. Maybe I’m a bit tired is all.”

I pulled her to me and kissed her again. We were sitting in the car outside the park, down the road from her house. We weren’t quite ready to go home, to be separated yet. Despite all of the craziness in my head, I liked spending time with Gorata. I couldn’t deny that even to myself.

“I really like Ofentse and Kgalalelo,” Gorata said. The party had been at their house – it was their son’s second birthday. “They’re quite young to be so serious, though.”

“Yes!”

Gorata looked at me oddly and I knew I’d been too enthusiastic so I toned it down. “I mean, yes, they are quite young. Too young to be serious, really.”

And then there it was: “Do you want to get married one day, Mmila?”

I don’t know why that simple question set warning bells going off in my head. She wasn’t talking about us. She was talking in general. Like the way people say, “Would you like to go to the moon one day if you got a free trip?” And you say yes, because who wouldn’t like to go to the moon, right? But, of course you know that there is no chance in hell that you’ll be going to the moon. You just answer anyway. So I answered like that.

“Well, sure, one day.”

“Me too.” She snuggled closer to me and started kissing my neck. Now what did that mean? Why would a general answer to a general question produce a very personal, specific neck snuggling? I moved away, closer to the door of the car. My heart was beating fast. I felt like an animal in a cage.

“Let’s go sit on the park bench.” I jumped out of the car and sprinted to the bench. What was I running from?

Gorata sat down next to me. “You know, though I say that, my parents got married when they were twenty-one, and they already had two kids by the time they were our age. That’s madness.”

“Yes! Crazy, loony madness!” Gorata was looking at me again with a concerned look on her face. “I mean…not that your parents are crazy…it’s just…well…that was ages ago. People used to do things like that. It’s likely your grandparents got married at twelve. People were just crazy like that then.”

“Twelve? Mmila you really are funny.” She put her arm around my waist and I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She really was very lovely. Why couldn’t I just calm down? Why did everything sound like a trap?

There was a swing set in the park. I stood up and took her hands. “Come, let’s swing.”

At first we felt a bit foolish swinging like kids, but it was night – who would see us? I kicked my legs high and soon we were swinging in sync. Up, down, up down. She kicked her legs out and let her head lie back and she looked so beautiful and free and in that moment I saw how she would always be that way. No matter how much time passed, inside she would be this beautiful, free, happy young woman.

And I saw in that moment too, that I didn’t ever want to be away from her. Just the thought of not having her in my life made a greyness fall over my future. We swung in the quiet night, our legs kicking out to the stars and at some point I knew I’d fallen in love with Gorata. I’d fallen in love…and now I was scared to death.

***

Tell us what you think: Why is Mmila scared?