I said ‘no’.

I said we weren’t right for each other. I told Gordon our relationship had run its course. It was time for both of us to move on.

“But why, Tiny?” Gordon wailed, still down on one knee. “I don’t understand. I thought things were going great between us.”

I didn’t explain. Some things are too hard to say out loud.

Gordon left, taking his champagne flutes with him, slamming the flat door violently behind him. Nomvula watched in surprise.

“But why, Tiny?” she asked as well, creasing her forehead into a deep frown. “I don’t understand. I thought Gordon was the perfect guy for you.”

She seems to have no idea, no clue, that she is the problem.

So here I sit in our tiny lounge, marking the English books I brought home from school, even though they only need to be ready for next week. But I need something to take my mind off Gordon. I need to stop myself remembering how he gazed up at Nomvula.

I put a gold star at the top of little Sanette’s poem. She is such a sensitive little girl, such a pleasure to teach. I read through Vusi’s story and give him six out of ten. Then I struggle to decipher Thabo’s sentences. He is the worst speller in the whole class.

Nomvula sits on the rug, watching me.

“You are so lucky, Tiny,” she says. “I wish I had a good job like you. I wish I was clever like you. It isn’t fair.”

I stare down at Nomvula’s face, her lovely face, and I nod slowly. True! It isn’t fair!

Yes, my sister’s face is lovely. More than lovely, actually. It is breath-taking. Nomvula is not just pretty, not just attractive. She is beautiful in a way that makes you want to stare in wonder. And never look away again.

And that is what makes life so difficult for me. Like with Gordon tonight. I saw the way he looked at her when she stood on the balcony crying. He gazed at her beautiful face like he could never bear to tear his eyes away.

Let me tell you, he has never looked at me that way. Never! Not even in our closest, most intimate moments,

So how can I marry a man who looks at another woman that way?

And this isn’t the first time it’s happened. This isn’t the first boyfriend it’s happened with. There was Lesego, my college beau – the love of my whole life for ever, I thought.

Until he set eyes on Nomvula.

“Wow!” Lesego said. “Oh sweet lord!” As if he was looking at the Eighth Wonder of the World. After that, I didn’t feel the same way about him. How could I? Clearly, he thought I was second-best.

There was JB who spent more time talking to my sister than to me whenever he came to our flat. There was Mawhi who spent more time asking me about my sister’s life than about mine.

It’s the way my relationships have always ended. I suppose it’s the way they will always end: with some guy I fancy gazing in wonder at my sister’s beautiful face. There is nothing I can do to stop it. It’s all very depressing.

Strangely, Nomvula doesn’t enjoy her beauty. She won’t even look in the mirror when she cleans her teeth. She goes through boyfriends the way she goes through jobs, a new one every few weeks. In fact, these past few months, she’s refused to go out on any dates.

“What’s the point? All they see is my face,” she complains. “They don’t care about what I’m like inside. It’s like I’m not worthwhile as a person. I might as well just be a picture hanging up on the wall for them to stare at. I’m just a stupid face and nothing more! I wish I had a different face!”

I find it hard to sympathise.

***

Tell us what you think: Is Tiny right to dump her boyfriends like this? Or is she being silly and over-sensitive?