Dena watched Robbie walk up to her friend’s house decorated with balloons and crepe paper. She insisted on wearing her most frilly lace party dress, her curly blonde hair up in two pigtails tied with matching ribbons. Dena smiled, she looked like a little lady in her shiny white Mary Janes. So unlike Dena when she was a girl, who rarely allowed a comb through her mop of curly dark hair. She’d had one dress only worn after ample threats from Mac. Robbie turned and waved at her mother before going into the house.

Dena drove around the corner and parked. She pulled out her cellphone. She had no idea where to find Shep, but she suspected Terrence might know so called him. “Hi T,” she said “Listen, I wonder, do you know where Shep is?”

“Sure he’s right here. Wait, I’ll get him for you.”

He disappeared and Dena panicked. She didn’t expect that. She hadn’t prepared mentally to speak to Shep and suddenly he was on the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi ..Shep? It’s Dena.”

“Dena?” He was obviously caught off guard too. “Dena, hi.”

“Shep, I wondered if we could meet. I need to speak to you about something.”

“Yes, of course. When?”

“I have a bit of time now if that’s okay. How about we meet at Milo’s, it’s just around the corner from Terrence’s.” She suspected he didn’t have his own transport yet and wanted to make things easy. “In about twenty minutes. Will that work?”

“Yep, that’ll work,” he said.

Dena hung up, took a big breath and headed for the other side of the city.

*****

Milo’s was a bit of an upper class kind of place with the accompanying snob value. All leather and wood, trying to look old when it was brand spanking new. Everything in Terrence’s neighbourhood was like that. It was the home of the up and coming and the newly arrived. Dena was early and sat down in one of the booths in the corner, ordered a cup of coffee and waited. As the minutes crept by, her nerves increased. She had no idea how she was going to do this. She went through a thousand scenarios in her head the night before. They all seemed viable last night- in the dark, in her bed, but in the light of day there seemed to be no way to tell Shep the truth. How do you tell someone that you lied to them about having a daughter? You lied for nine years, all of those years lost now. Yes, she’d thought she was doing the right thing then, but knew now it was wrong. She drank her coffee and wished she’d ordered something stronger. She was just about to call the waiter to get something different when Shep arrived. Tall, beautiful Shep. She looked up and caught her breath. He wore his old battered brown leather bomber jacket and jeans. She’d always loved him in that. He looked so strong and ready for action. He smiled uncertainly at her and her heart recognised him with a start.

“Am I late?” he said. She held out her hand for shaking so as not to have to deal with the awkwardness of a kiss that she’d have to decline. He shook her hand and sat down.

“No, I’m early,” Dena said. “I wasn’t that far away when I called.”

The waitress arrived carrying menus. “Will you be eating?”

“Will we be eating?” Shep asked Dena. She hadn’t eaten with Robbie at the mall, her nerves hadn’t allowed her too. She was hungry, even though her stomach still jumped.

“Okay…sure,” she said.

They both ordered pasta dishes and Shep ordered a bottle of wine. He poured for both of them. “Are you sure you can afford that?” Dena asked.

“Terrence gave me a job. Not anything out front, with the people, but logistics. You know he’s bringing in containers from Singapore and China almost on a daily basis. It’s crazy to get everything organised.”

“So do you think you’ll manage?” Dena asked. Organisation was not something Shep was ever good at, at least before.

Shep looked out over the restaurant and back at Dena. “Yeah, well, you know, beggars can’t be choosers. I used to be a people person, but that’s out, at least for now, maybe for ever. People who know me and don’t trust me. I’m the guy who stole everyone’s money. They hate me, actually. I’ll need to learn to do other things now. Need to be adaptable. We all need to be adaptable nowadays.”

Dena could see the conversation was upsetting him. Despite everything, she didn’t like seeing him so sad. She tried to change the subject. “So how’s Terrence? I haven’t seen him for about a month.”

“He’s good. I’m staying with him. He’s really being great, going out of his way to get me sorted out, back into the world. I don’t see him much though. You know he’s busy and all.” Shep twirled the bottom of his wine glass around contemplatively and changed the subject. “Why are we here, Dena? You said you wanted to talk about something.”

And here was her opportunity. He asked and all she needed to do was tell him. Just say it. She realised as she sat there waiting that there was no easy way to explain what she’d done. To explain why she had kept his daughter’s existence a secret all of this time. She could rationalise it, but it never came out right. She realised that now. She had been wrong. Very wrong. She couldn’t stop thinking about how tough prison must have been for Shep, she could see its effects on his face. And how much easier it might have been, knowing that he had a beautiful daughter outside waiting for him.

“I… I thought maybe …you know my school has a lot of kids with parents and siblings in prison, a lot of kids heading that way themselves, and I thought maybe you could come and talk to them. Maybe give them a bit of inspiration.” Dena took a drink of her wine. Their food arrived just in time for her to be distracted from the real reason she had got him here. Distracted from the fact that she was a coward.

Shep thought for a few seconds. “Okay…maybe. But give me a bit of time. I just want to get my feet a bit. I still can’t really believe I’m out to be honest. It’s crazy how life inside distorts you. You become used to having every minute of your day, every aspect of your life controlled by others. Getting out is a trip. Suddenly I have all of this time, all of this freedom. I’m not adjusting very well.”

Dena put ravioli in her mouth and just when her mouth was full, a woman came through the door. She spotted Shep, smiled, and came toward their table.

“Shep! What a delight to see you!” the woman said leaning down from her tall height and kissing Shep on the lips.

She wore a body hugging blue dress and very high heels. She looked young, maybe in her late twenties, and obviously very wealthy. She wasn’t over the top about it, but her diamond ring could have bought two of Dena’s cars she suspected. She had long, blonde hair that flowed nearly to her waist. But what Dena noticed most was the casual way she couldn’t keep her hands off Shep.

“Ilsa,” Shep said. “Nice to see you again. Dena, this is one of Terrence’s friends, Ilsa”

Dena swallowed the food in her mouth and shook Ilsa’s manicured hand. “Hello, lovely to meet you,” Dena said. “Do you live in Chicago?”

“Sometimes. I have a house in Milan and a flat in London. Now that winter’s coming I’ll soon be running to my father’s holiday house in Mauritius. I can’t stand the cold, can you?”

“Some of us don’t have the luxury of running away from it,” Dena said.

Ilsa ran her eyes over Dena, assessing her financial status. “Yes, of course.” She turned to Shep. “So will I see you tonight?”

Shep looked at Dena who offered him no answer. “Well…maybe. I’m not sure if I’m going.”

“Not going?” Isa’s full lips pouted. “You are all that I was looking forward to.”

The restaurant’s host came up to the table. “I’m sorry to disturb you, Ms Renet, but your table is ready and your guest has arrived.”

“Okay,” Ilsa said to the host who disappeared. “Shepherd, I must go, it’s business. I can’t keep them waiting. Please come tonight. Even for a few minutes. I’ll be devastated if I don’t see you.”

“Yes, I’ll try.”

She kissed him again, leaning in and placing her palm on his wide chest. She whispered in his ear then giggled like a naughty girl and walked away, saying nothing else to Dena. Shep turned back to his food, smiling. He looked up at Dena. “Sorry…she’s a friend of Terrence’s.”

“And yours it seems.”

Dena was angry at her reaction. Jealous? Why would she be jealous? Did she expect Shep not to date? She told him they had no future together. And that was the truth. So why did she feel so annoyed? She had no right. Ilsa was beautiful, beautiful like Shep. She was like how Shep used to be, the sun others revolved around. If they had met before he went to prison, together they’d have blinded the world. She was perfect for him. With Ilsa he’d be able to find his way back to himself perhaps. Dena should be happy for him. If he was with Ilsa, and it was obvious Ilsa wanted to be with him, it would mean she’d be free. She made up her mind she was done with Shep. Now, maybe, Shep could find a way to be done with her too.

“She seems nice…Ilsa,” Dena said.

“Yes…yes, she is.”

“So you have a date tonight?” Dena wanted to take the words back as soon as they left her mouth, but it was too late.

Shep smiled. “Does that bother you? I thought you said you didn’t want me anymore, you didn’t love me?”

Anger flared in Dena. Who was he to question her after everything he had done? “I don’t care who you date. I told you I’m done. I was done ten years ago when you cheated my father out of all of his money. Do you know he had to take a job as a security guard? My father a security guard? And then he was shot. All because of what you have done.”

The words stabbed at Shep just as Dena wanted them to. “Dena, I’m sorry. I didn’t know any of that. Terrence told me. I’m so sorry that happened to Mac. You know I love him. I’m getting closer to figuring this thing out. I’m going to prove to you I didn’t take the money. I would never steal from your father. Never.”

“Well, that’s not what the jury said, what the judge said.”

They ate in silence for some minutes. “Ilsa’s having a party at her house. Terrence was the one invited. I’m tagging along. There is nothing between Ilsa and I,” Shep said after some time.

“Doesn’t matter to me if there was.” Dena finished her food and pushed the plate to the side. The waiter appeared immediately and took it away. She sipped at her wine.

Shep put his fork down and looked at her. “You never could lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Of course you are. First, I know there is something else that had you calling me to meet you here and second, you are not a fan of the beautiful Ilsa.”

“What does your Ilsa do?”

“She’s a model.”

“Of course she is.”

Shep smiled. “So what did you bring me here for really?”

“I need to tell you something,” Dena stopped. She couldn’t do it. Not now. She felt so open, so vulnerable. Was it Ilsa kissing Shep, touching him? Was that it? All she knew was that she couldn’t tell him today. She looked at her watch. She dug some money out of her purse and threw it on the table. “I need to go. I’m supposed to meet someone.”

She stood and left before Shep could stop her.

*****

Dena sat in the courtroom waiting for Leroy Washington’s sentencing. It reminded her of the days of Shep’s trial. She hadn’t seen him since the lunch two weeks ago. She hadn’t taken any of his calls either. She knew what she had to do, but she needed more time to be able to do it. For now avoidance was working for her.

They brought Leroy in wearing handcuffs. He sat next to the public defender. Dena spotted his mother sitting in the row just behind him. She placed her hand on Leroy’s shoulder and he turned and smiled at her. In the end, no matter how awful she’d been, she was still the mother to this scared boy. The judge arrived and sat down. The room became quiet.

“I have reviewed this file. I am aware that this young man is a juvenile. I have taken into consideration that he is a good student. His teachers and the principal of his school have sent recommendations attesting to the fact that this young man has ample potential. Having said that, he has murdered a person. This is a serious crime. The rate at which gang related murders occur in this city is alarming and increasing. A line must be drawn. We must send a message that we will not tolerate this anymore. I therefore, sentence Leroy Washington to prison, Metropolitan Correctional Centre, for a period of 20 years.”

He banged his gavel and stood up. Leroy’s mother screamed and collapsed to the ground. Leroy turned to his lawyer, his face in shock. They both knew what life in a Chicago prison would mean for him, it was a death sentence. The Black Lords controlled the prison. Dena doubted Leroy would last a month. A twenty year sentence served no purpose. The judge had just sentenced Leroy to death.

Dena stayed sitting when they took Leroy away. She didn’t have the energy to stand, the will. She watched a man nearly carry Leroy’s mother out of the courtroom. People pushed past her and Dena stayed sitting. The court appointed defender packed up her files and pushed them into her briefcase. She turned and spotted Dena still sitting alone on the bench.

“Ms Leary,” she started. “I’m sorry but I did all I could. I tried to get a plea bargain with the prosecutor but he wouldn’t bite.”

“You know he’s dead, right?”

“I’m already working on having him transferred to Minnesota. But it will take a bit of time.”

“Time that Leroy doesn’t have.”

“I realise that.” Dena could see she understood, that she felt as ineffectual against the system as Dena did. She was fighting the wrong person. “I’ll let you know what happens.”

She watched the young woman walk away. How horrible it must be for her? The constant barrage and the constant fight against immovable walls. Dena stood up. She felt old and tired. All she saw was Leroy’s face, scared. A boy, frightened by what his future held. Only because he was trying to do the job that the adults around him failed to do. He’d been let down by everyone. She was as much to blame as anyone else. She should have reported the mother to the social welfare long ago. The kids would have been out of there. Not together but at least safe. Not happy but at least not dead.

She walked out the door and headed for the parking lot. She needed to get back to school. There was a PTA meeting that evening and she needed to prepare for it. Her parents were becoming more and more active in the school which meant she needed to make sure she went to the meeting prepared for all questions. And they always had many. She headed down the corridor toward the front door of the courthouse.

“Dena?” She heard someone call her name and she turned back toward the courtrooms. She was surprised to see Terrence. He was with an older man, grey haired wearing an expensive suit.

She went toward them. “Hi Terrence.” She gave him a hug. “I certainly didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Or me you.”

“One of my students had a case. It didn’t go well.”

“Sorry,” he said.

“And you?” Dena asked.

“We have a civil case in courtroom 5.” He turned to the man he was with. “Where are my manners? Ernst Jongman, this is my long time friend, Dena Leary.”

“Nice to meet you, Ms Leary,” the older man said. He smiled and shook Dena’s hand. She thought for a moment he looked familiar, but couldn’t place him. In any case, she met many people in her job; it was easy to get them confused.

“Ernst is a long time client of mine. I’m helping him with a civil matter, a labour dispute,” Terrence said explaining more than he needed to, it made Dena wonder why.

“I heard you gave Shep a job,” Dena said. “I have to say, I was a bit surprised.”

“So you know Mr Campbell then Ms Leary,” Mr Jongman said. He seemed more interested in her all of a sudden.

“Yes, I do.” She was offering nothing more. If he was a “ long time client” he was likely among the people who lost money. She was not about to defend Shep against such people just because she’d been his girlfriend at the time.

“Dee, you know Shep. We’ve been friends forever. I just don’t see the point in holding grudges. He paid his debt to society for what he did. I want to put it all behind us.”

“And besides, what is the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Mr Jongman said, laughing.

“Yes,” Dena said, not knowing how to respond to any of it. “I need to get back to school.” She held out her hand to Mr Jongman. “Nice to have met you. Terrence, you and I need to get together. I haven’t seen you for ever. And Robbie is missing you too.”

“Definitely.” He kissed Dena’s cheek and she turned and walked out the door.

Driving back to school, she wondered what that was all about. Could it be that Terrence really didn’t forgive Shep as Shep believed he did? Maybe Terence was trying to keep Shep close just in case he went for the money. They never found the money in any case, and some of it was Terrence’s. It had to be somewhere. That actually made more sense to Dena. Terrence was as angry, maybe angrier than her when it all came out. He felt Shep betrayed him and the company. It hadn’t made sense that he suddenly forgave him of everything like it never happened.

Dena supposed Terrence was doing the right thing, though it seemed slightly underhanded. Why pose as Shep’s friend? Why give him a job? Have him live in your house, introduce him to your friends? Terrence had the resources to hire top level private investigators to follow Shep around. If he went for the money, they would find it. Likely Terrence wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible and to make sure the job was done correctly, but still it didn’t seem the right way to go about it.

Dena couldn’t help but feel bad for Shep. He was so happy when he knew Terrence had forgiven him. It gave him hope that Dena might too. Dena also wasn’t so sure any more about things. Each time she was with Shep she was confused by his behaviour. It was different before and during the trial. He protested his guilt, but he had to. He was trying to get an innocent verdict. But he’d served his sentence, why still spend all of your time trying to prove that you are innocent of a crime you’ve already served the punishment for? Why not forget about it? Each time she saw Shep, it made her think that maybe he somehow really saw himself as innocent. Truly innocent.

Dena didn’t. The evidence was clear. There was the bank video footage. There were the bank records showing the transfer of large sums from the company accounts to his account in the Caymen Islands. There were flight and immigration records over a period of six months detailing Shep’s movements. All of it secret to Dena. If he had been going to the Caymen Islands for legitimate business, why was it all so secret?

Maybe Terrence was doing the right thing. Letting Shep in closer and closer until he revealed where the money was. Maybe her father and all of the others would get their money back. Didn’t they deserve that? She was not naïve to the ways of the world. She knew that sometimes the means did justify the ends. Though she couldn’t help feeling sad for Shep.