Moses’ touch feels like everything that is wrong with the world is suddenly right, but still the rightness has no place. Here I am awake but asleep, as if hiding from my new reality. Is Moses even really here or is my mind making him up, summoning him from the secret passageways of my sub-conscious mind?

I love Katlego, I’ve learnt to open myself up to him and the future looks bright now.

But Moses – there’s nothing to learn with Moses, nothing to try, everything just is. I realise I love Moses, I always have. My love for him comes to me like a memory, a sudden remembrance that my heart belongs to him, that it always has. My soul loves Moses. Moses, are you really here?

“We’re keeping her on oxygen and as soon as she wakes we can find out her name,” the nurse continues.

“Her name is Gcina, Gcina Nxumalo,” says Moses.

“Okay Doctor, may I ask how you know that?” I hear the nurse say.

“Because I know her,” Moses responds. “I know her. She is Gcina. She is my Gcina,” he whispers.

Hmmm yes I am Moses’ Gcina. Moses! Moses!

My lips remain shut; the call to Moses is trapped in my mind, unable to make itself heard. So I choose instead to be rational, to bring myself back to reality, the reality I was in before the explosion.

Okay this isn’t really happening. Moses isn’t here. Relax Gcina, you’re gonna wake up and see that Moses isn’t here. The future is bright with Katlego.

I figure maybe the illusion, or hallucination, of Moses’ presence will fade and I will wake up and find Katlego. I try to convince myself that this is all a lucid dream, that I will wake up and see that none of it is real, absolutely none of it, not even the explosion, all just a nightmare. I will wake up in Katlego’s bed and it will be a sunshiny kind of morning.

That doesn’t work though, Moses is still there, stroking my cheek with his thumb and I feel him, oh yes I feel him. But I am also concerned about Katlego.

I remember feeling my face on Katlego’s chest, yes he was carrying me. So he’s fine then, right? Katlego, where are you? Katlego saved me, my hero. Yes, yes Katlego was carrying me like Mama would. Mama, Mama has to come.

“Gcina. Gcina wake up. I’m sorry for everything. Please wake up,” Moses pleads. “Please Gcina.” He takes my hand and cups it into both of his. “Wake up Gcina.”

Just then my eyes shoot wide open; Moses’ face goes from a blurry mirage to a vivid image, a face filled with love and relief.

“Gcina, it’s me baby, I’m here,” says Moses.

Still dizzy I slowly take the mask off.

“No Gcina, don’t do that.”

“Can somebody call Mama, she must come write my name down!” I now speak frantically, getting louder with every breath.

“It’s okay Gcina, you’re fine now. Calm down,” Moses pleads.

“The fire … we still had our names, I remember we still had our names …” I say, and struggle to get out of the bed.

“Gcina you’re safe, it’s okay.” Moses is trying to calm me.

“We still had our names. My name is Gcina. It means ‘to keep’.” I am now whispering, slowly calming down.

“Yes, your name is Gcina. Gcina do you know who I am?”

“My name is Gcina and I keep burning.”

“Gcina, look at me, do you know who I am?”

I look at Moses and say, “Yes, you’re a ghost. Where is Katlego?”

“Dr Mashale you are needed in Paediatrics,” the nurse calls. Moses is staring at me with pain in his eyes. There is a deafening silence between us.

“Dr, Paediatrics … one of your child patients–”

“Yes, I heard you, Nurse.” And he stands up. “Please make sure our patient here keeps her oxygen mask on.” Moses walks away. The nurse comes to put the mask back on, speaking kindly. “Keep the mask on please sisi, until the doctor says it’s okay to remove it.”

I nod.

“Do you need us to call anyone for you?”

“Yes, my mother. And I need to know where my boyfriend is. I came in with him last night.” I give the nurse my mother’s number, and the woman promises to enquire about Katlego.

Then she helps me lie on my back and fits the mask. “There you go, just relax now, sisi. Your mother’s on her way.”

I see Katlego coming towards me with my mother. I feel tears stream down my face as they each embrace me.

“Not a very good place to meet your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time,” my mother says to Katlego wryly as they introduce themselves.

After a while, Katlego asks to have some time with me alone, and my mother goes to find a cup of tea in the cafeteria.

“Katli what happened?” I say, taking the mask off.

“It was an explosion from the apartment below. Still have no clue what caused it, could have been a gas explosion. I’m so happy you’re okay, I was worried sick about you.”

“I was worried about you too.”

“Well they’ve discharged me and my parents are here, waiting downstairs, to fetch me. What about you? What did the doctor say?”

“Nothing really, but I’m sure I’ll be going home soon too.”

“I can wait. I want to wait for you.”

“Your parents are here.”

“I’m not a little boy, my parents can leave without me.”

“I’ll be fine. My mom’s here.”

“Are you chasing me away?”

“No, I’m just saying … you need to rest and you no longer have a bed here so–”

“Mr Mnisi, I’m keeping Miss Nxumalo overnight,” interrupts Moses rudely, seeing Katlego talking to me.

“Oh … I thought maybe she could go home too,” says Katlego.

“No, I still need x-rays and a toxicology report before I make that decision. And I’d like to monitor her overnight – smoke inhalation is dangerous. So please say your goodbyes,” he orders briskly, then calls out: “Nurse please move Miss Nxumalo to Ward 3, right now.”

And he leaves with my file, passing my mother just coming back into the ward, looking surprised.

She hurries to the bed. “Gcina, udoctor lona is he not Moses?”

“Moses?” Katlego says, looking confused.

“Yes Mama, I was just as surprised.”

“You know this guy?” asks Katlego.

“Yes, from high school,” I reply coolly.

“Oh, so he’s back from London. How nice,” says my mother, and from the way I eyed her she knows she has said something wrong.

It is an awkward few seconds before the nurse comes to push my bed to Ward 3.

“Katli please give your number to Mama. I’ll call you from her phone.”

“Wow, so you are chasing me away?”

“What do you want me to do? I’m in hospital. Even Mama has to leave soon.”

“Right,” Katlego says, and gives Mom his parents’ number, since both of our phones were lost in the explosion.

“Okay then. I’ll see you soon.”

“What’s going to happen to the apartment?” I ask.

“I don’t know, I didn’t own the place, I was a tenant so … I’ll pass by now with my parents to fetch my car, and see what else I can retrieve.

“Okay.”

Katlego hugs me, and shakes my mother’s hand before he turns to walk away.

“Katli!” I call out. “Thanks. Thanks for everything.”

***

Tell us what you think: Is Katlego suspicious of Dr Mashale?