Imini endagqibela ngayo ukubona umama wam yayingula nyaka amapolisa eza kundithatha aze emka nam. Aye elandele ekhondweni lam aya kundifumana kweliya tyotyombe liphakathi kwamanye amaninzi aza andibamba. La nkwenkwe yona ubomi bayo babuphakathi kwenyama nozipho.

Intliziyo yam yakrazuka  xa ndisiva isikhalo sika mama ndaza ndabona ukudana okukhulu emehlweni akhe xa amapolisa ayendiphosa ngaphakathi evenini.

Ndathathwa ndasiwa kwicala labasebancinci  phaya kula ntolongo yasePollsmoor ukuze ndilinde umhla wetyala. Zaqengqeleka iinyanga ndilindele umhla endandiza kuya kuvela ngawo enkundleni, kanye ngelo xesha ndazalisa iminyaka elishumi elinesixhenxhe. Ndeva ukuba la makhwenkwe abulala umntakwethu wona aye ekwicandelo labantu abadala, nawo elindele ukuxoxwa kwetyala.

Yayilixesha lokuba ndilibale. Ubusuku nemini ndandicinga ngentlungu endimfake kuyo umama wam, ndandisoloko ndicinga ukuba akandithandi njengokuba ethanda uZanoxolo. Kodwa ngala mini, la mhla amapolisa eza kundithatha esimka nam, kwaba kungona ndiyiqondayo indlela andithanda ngayo. Ndabona ukudandatheka  emehlweni akhe okufanayo nqwa nendlela awaye eyiyo mhla uZanoxolo wabulawa.

Ndandilila qho ebusuku xa ndizama ukulwa nokucinga indlela endimphoxe ngayo. Kwakumele ukuba ndim omosula iinyembezi kwaye ndimenze ancume kwakhona, kodwa ndaba ngoyena ombangela usizi olungaphaya endaweni yoko.

Mnye kuphela umntu owaye endivelela ngexesha ndisentolongweni, yayingutata wam. Emva kwenyanga evile ukuba ndiseluvalelweni wabuyela eKapa waza wandityelela. Emva koko wamana ukuza qho  lo gama ndandisalinde ukuthethwa kwetyala. Wayeziva enobutyala ngokusithi tya, waza wabuyela eKapa kwakhona apho wayehlala nomfazi wakhe omtsha nonyana wakhe, wandixelela loo nto. Wayezama kangangoko, kodwa sasingade sidibane nca singaqhelananga ngokupheleleyo. Kwakungekho nto iluqilima sinokuncokola ngayo ngenxa yobuninzi bayo yonke la minyaka wemkayo ebomini bethu; ndandimncinci kakhulu ukumka kwakhe.

Ngenye imini xa wayendityelele ndaba nesibindi sokumbuza umbuzo ebekukudala ndisoyika ukuwubuza ngaphambili.

“Kutheni umama engazange aze kundibona apha, tata?” Ndambuza.

“Umama wakho usadinga ithuba, nyana. Xa lifikile ixesha elilungileyo uza kuza,” watsho.

Sahlala ke sithe cwaka okwethutyana phambi kokuba athethe ngelithambileyo esithi, “Kutheni ungazange undibuze ukuba kwakutheni ukuze ndimke ekhaya, Phumlani? Ngalo lonke ixesha xa ndisiza apha ndilindele ukuba undingxolele ngalo nto. Ndilindele ukuva wena undixelela ukuba kungenxa yam ukuba kube nje. Ndifuna wazi indlela endinosizi ngayo yile meko, Phumlani, nyana wam…”

Ndamxelela inyaniso. “Akuzange kucace okanye kuvakale ukuba kukho umntu ongekhoyo. Umama wam wayengutata ekwanguye nomama kum noZanoxolo. Ndakuxolela kudala, tata. Inye into ongayenza kukuba ube ngutata ongcono kuSizwe. Usakudinga kakhulu yena,” Ndatsho. Ndazibona iinyembezi zisakheka emehlweni katata kodwa wakhawuleza wazisula ngesandla sakhe.

Emva kweentsuku ezintathu emva kolu tyelelo umgcini mabanjwa wandixelela ukuba ndiyafuneka kwigumbi  leendwendwe.  Ndamangaliseka ukuba kazi yintoni eyenze ukuba utata aphinde abuye kwakhona kwamsinyane kangaka. Ndandilindele ukumbona kwiveki elandelayo.

Ndathi ndakumbona umntu owaye eze kundivelela, ndazivala amehlo ngezandla zam ndalila.

“Uxolo mama. Ndicela uxolo…” Lawo yaba ngamazwi endandinokuwathetha.

“Hayi, ndim ocela uxolo, Phumlani, mntwana wam. Ndaba lukhuni kakhulu kuwe,” Ilizwi likamama lalisindeka ngenxa yobuhlungu bomphefumlo.

“Ndicela undixolele mama. Ukuba uZanoxolo wayengazange aye kubukela mna ndidlala iqakamba, ngekuthetha ukuba usaphila namhlanje,” Ndamxelela.

“Yayingasilo tyala lakho. Ndiyaxolisa ngokukusola, nyana wam. Andikhange ndikutyelele apha kuba bendingazukwazi ukujongana nawe uvalelwe apha. Kodwa ungunyana wam, Phumlani, kwaye uyakusoloko unguye. Andinakukwazi ukumelana nokuphulukana nomnye umntwana. Ndiyakuthanda, nyana wam,” Watsho umama.

Ndandinga ndingaxhuma phezu kwetafile eyayisahlule ndiziphose kuye ndimange. Kodwa lo mgcini mabanjwa wayengasivumeli nkqu nokuba sibambe izandla.

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Ityala laye laqhubeka kwiveki ezimbalwa emveni kokuba ndibone umama. La nkwenkwe ndayihlabayo yabangcono yaza yaphuma esibhedlele, umama wandixelela loo nto. Ndanikwa isohlwayo esixhonyiweyo, ndaza ndakhutshwa ndabekwa phantsi koqwalaselo olungqongqo lwamagosa ezoluleko Kwakufuneka ndenze imisebenzi ethile apha ekuhlaleni njengesigwebo, kwaye ndityelele iziko lokuthuthuzelwa nokucetyiswa ngokwase mphefumlweni- kodwa ndandikhululekile.

Ngoku ndibuyele kwisikolo esahlukileyo- isikolo semfundo ephakamileyo, iMandela. Ndiyila “nkwenkwe intsha”kwibanga likaGrade 10-ndimdala kunaye wonke umntu eklasini yam, kodwa okusalayo ndibuyele esikolweni. Amehlo abafundi endifunda nabo eklasini aye athi gwantyi iinyembezi xa ndizazisa ndize ndibaxelele ngebali lam- abanye babo sele belivile phofu.

Umama wam usebenza apha njengomcoci wamagumbi. Wawufuna lo msebenzi xa wayeye kucela kutitshala omkhulu ukuba andikavunyelwa na ndize kwesi sikolo. Uthi isikolo esitsha siba sisiqalo esitsha kum, nakuye phofu.

Qho ngexesha lentlazane ndiye ndizimanye neqela labafundi abadlala iqakamba ngebhola yokudlala intenetya phaya ebaleni. Umama wam uye andibukele ekude phaya emva kwezindlu zangasese, ephethe umtshayelo esandleni. Ndiye ndincume ndedwa xa ndiqengqa ibhola, ndiyiqengqela phaya koothinti.

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Khawusixelele: Ingaba wakhe ngoqalo olutsha? Ingaba lungaba yintoni?

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