April 2017

1 April 2017. April Fool’s Day! But this is no joke. That IVF pamphlet in Jonas’s drawer is very real.

IVF!!!!!!!! Why is he interested in IVF????? Has he been to the fertility clinic on his own? Did he get himself tested to see if he had a problem? Without even asking me first? So maybe I’m the April Fool?

And it’s school holidays now. So I don’t have Christo to cheer me up and make me feel light and human.

I suppose I should have confronted Jonas about the IVF pamphlet. I should have asked him what was going on. But by then we were not communicating much. We were like polite room-mates, not husband and wife.

I took the pamphlet out of his drawer again, while he was at work, to read through. It all sounded awful, technical and clinical: In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is a process where eggs are fertilised by sperm in the laboratory (rather than in the woman’s fallopian tube) … The fertilised embryos grow in the laboratory over two to five days before being transferred into the woman’s uterus.

What kind of unloving, unnatural way was that to start a baby’s life? And so expensive! I couldn’t believe how much IVF cost. Was that why Jonas was stressing about our finances?

And what did this mean? Had Jonas had himself tested and found out he had a problem? Or had he found out that he was fine, so the problem must be with me? Either way, I did not want to know.

I dialled Christo’s number – even though it was school holidays.

“Harmony! Hey, good to hear your voice! Are you having a relaxing day, with no rowdy pupils driving you nuts? Guess where I am – lying on the beach at Port Shepstone. Man, this is the life!”

Within minutes, I was feeling better. Talking to Christo always made me feel better. Yes, life didn’t have to be serious and hard! Maybe I should show my husband too that life could be fun?

I phoned Jonas. “What do you want for supper, my love? Anything you like.”

He sounded surprised that I wanted to do something nice for him. “How about a steak, Harmony? And then we can watch a movie together. Your choice.”

5 April 2017. What a magic evening! Cuddled up on the sofa with Jonas, feeling the way we used to feel together. Talking about happy times, romantic times we shared way back.

And not not not talking about the bad stuff: like me not being pregnant. Like him having an IVF pamphlet in his drawer. Like money issues.

But the good feeling between us didn’t last.

A few weeks later, Jonas stormed into the bedroom. He was holding my phone in his hand.

“Thirty-three, Harmony! Thirty-three! Do you want to tell me what that’s about?”

“Thirty-three what?” I asked. But I suppose I already knew. I felt sick.

“Thirty-three calls to this Christo character. What’s going on? You see him every day at school. Why do you need to talk to him out of school hours as well?”

I tried to give excuses like tests and lesson plans and excursion logistics and the Grade 7 play.

Then I got angry. “How dare you invade my privacy! You’re my husband, not my jailer.”

Jonas threw the phone down on my bedside table. Then he got into bed, switched his light off and turned his back on me.

28 April 2017. Damage control time! I changed Christo’s name on my cell contact list to Nantze 2. I don’t need to add jealousy to all the problems Jonas and I already have!


Tell us: Harmony thinks IVF is an ‘unloving, unnatural’ way for a baby to be conceived. Do you agree?