January 2018

1 January 2018. I didn’t allow Jonas to show his family my present! Far too private and personal! It was my pregnancy test stick – with two beautiful, amazing, miraculous pink stripes to confirm I was pregnant. Jonas screamed the house down: “Oh Harmony! I knew it! I just knew it! Oh man, this is the best present in my whole life!”

And of course, the minute his family saw our faces, they all knew anyway. We just couldn’t stop smiling. In fact, Jonas had tears in his eyes most of Christmas Day.

His mother was overjoyed. She kept hugging me too.

“Oh Harmony, my dear. I knew it was coming. I prayed and prayed so hard for you. It’s just what the Bible says: Ask and it shall be given to you.”

I sat there, amongst all Jonas’s brothers and all my sisters-in-law. And I thought how lucky our baby was going to be, surrounded by a loving family.

11 January2018. School starts next week. I’m a bit nervous – some mornings I feel very nauseous. What if I get sick at school? But I’ve told our Head and Nantze and Christo so I’m sure they’ll be there to help me out. They are so excited – especially Christo.

Hey, this is so nice – writing about Christo in my diary and knowing there is no problem. I am not being disloyal to my beloved Jonas. In fact, Jonas and Christo have become good friends. This morning they are going off together to play soccer.

I’m off shopping. But not for clothes for myself – oh no! That’s much too boring! I’m headed for the baby shops. And Neo’s coming along with me. Jonas gave me his credit card and said, ‘Knock yourself out, sweetheart!’ I suppose he’s stopped panicking about finances now we don’t need to save for IVF!

It was great shopping with Neo – all those tiny, tiny outfits. I held them in my hands and tried to imagine my little baby dressed in them – mine and Jonas’s. I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl.

“This is so exciting!” Neo said. He held up a tiny, fluffy, white, hooded jacket to show me. “There is a whole new little person coming into the world for you to love and protect and guide and bring up. You and Jonas are so lucky. So very, very lucky!”

There was sadness in his eyes when he said that. And I felt sad for him too. For him and for Christo.

29 January 2017. It’s late at night. Jonas is already fast asleep. But my mind is too jumbled to go to bed yet. So writing in my diary calms me down. And just imagine: somewhere in this book on some page for August, I will get to write that our little baby has been born! How wonderful will that be!? It will be the happiest, most exciting entry I ever, ever write. Well, except for that entry way back in 2002 when I wrote about a kind boy called Jonas who let me ride his bike and shouted at the other children when they laughed at me.

*****

Tell us: Why does Harmony feel sad for Neo and Christo? What alternatives do they have?