Clinton and I are walking to school when Renée, Robyn and Nomhle join us.

“Good morning,” I say. Everyone but Renée returns the greeting. I study her. She’s wearing sunglasses, which is a common sign that a person has a hangover. “Would you like some of my water?” I offer.

Renée waves it away. “I can’t stand the metallic taste in our water these days.”

“Not mine,” I say. “I filter all our water using dried banana peels. It is a highly effective and inexpensive method.”

Renée snatches my bottle and takes a tentative sip. “Not bad,” she says. “Not bad.”

Nomhle tuts. “This is what you get for partying during the week.”

“Save it,” Renée says. “I’m paying my dues for fun, right now. And it isn’t like I was the only one there.”

She points at Baka, strutting up to us, with Enrico following. “Good morning,” he calls.

“Sssh,” Renée says. “Why are you so loud? Doesn’t your head hurt?”

Baka grins. “I know better than to keep drinking on a school night, and so do you.”

“It’s not like you don’t know the pain is coming,” Clinton says.

“Okay, puritans,” Renée says. “Just because I don’t like to stand around with an empty glass–”

“Do you have cenosillicaphobia?” I ask.

Renée stops walking and holds up her hands. “Wiki, I like you, but don’t test me with big words this morning.”

“It’s a phobia. Fear of an empty glass,” I explain.

Baka snorts. “She’s got that, alright.”

“I do not,” Renée says. “I just don’t like to look like an idiot.”

“Given how concerned you are about safe sex,” I say, “I’m surprised you drink to excess at parties.”

Renée lowers her sunglasses at me, before shoving them up and resuming walking. “Explain yourself, Wiki.”

“There are lots of stats out there that show that binge drinking increases the risk of unwanted pregnancy. Between a third to more than half of unwanted pregnancies, depending on which study and which country, involve heavy drinking.”

“I use condoms,” Renée says. “Doesn’t matter how drunk I am, condoms are used.”

I nod. “But the more you drink the less likely you are to fully evaluate the condom.”

“What?” Baka exclaims. “Are you and Clinton getting–”

Clinton punches him in the arm. “Shut your mouth before I have to do it for you.”

Renée points at me. “Okay Wiki, I’m listening. What do you mean by ‘evaluate the condom’?”

“Well,” I say, feeling my face get hot. “It needs to be checked for damage before it is put on. It needs to be put on for the whole time, not just right before the man ejaculates, and it must be rolled on, not put on after its been unrolled. Also, there needs to be room at the tip to catch the semen. Some men pull it on too tight because they don’t like the way it looks with the extra hanging off the end.”

Robyn snorts, and Renée grins. “You got stats for all this?”

I nod.

Her grin widens. “You and me are going to have to chat more about this. Much more. When,” and she gives Clinton a pointed look, “it’s just us girls.”

“I might skip soccer practice today,” Clinton says.

“Why?” I ask.

Everyone starts laughing, making me feel dumb.

***

Tell us: Wiki is using a ‘life hack’. That is a trick, shortcut, skill or unique method to make life easier or solve a problem. In her case, she is worried about the quality of water and is using dried banana peels as a filter. Do you have any useful life hacks to share with fellow readers?