Pick up your phone Lu.

This is the fifth text from my girlfriend. I don’t reply. I can’t. I stare out of the window of my old room at home and think about her. She’s the only one who calls me Lu. Everyone else calls me Thando, short for Luthando. My full name is reserved for my father, as is Samu’s. She grew up with me in our house. He has always refused to shorten our names. I had a special name for Samu, back when we used to get along – Siwe.

I don’t know what to tell Zuri. I don’t know what to do next. I am stuck here on a Sunday that feels like the longest Sunday in the history of Sundays.

My mom knocks on the door and comes in. She sits down on my bed.

“Ma. Yingani’ungakhulumi nobaba? Am I so wrong for choosing a career that I love?” I ask her. “Why can’t you both support my dreams? What is this obsession with being a doctor anyway? You’re a university professor; don’t you think your students should chase their dreams Ma? Do what they love? That’s the only way they’ll succeed; be happy.”

Without saying anything, my mother gets up and leaves the room. I know for a fact I saw tears in her eyes. I’m just not sure why she’s crying. Is it because I have disappointed her? Or because she doesn’t know how to support me, without damaging her relationship with uBaba even further than it already is?

“Ma, am I having umemulo noma?” I shout after her and slam my door. Ten minutes later there is a knock, but it’s not Ma at the door. It’s Samu.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t …” she pleads.

“Shut up! Shut up Samukelisiwe!” I shout at her. “I don’t want to hear it. You were selfish. After everything I’ve done for you, you betray me. I covered up your secrets, didn’t I? Your pregnancy scare; your drunken nights; your boyfriends … or did they find out your transgressions and you decided they would look a whole lot shinier next to mine? I actually don’t have words for you.”

I don’t smoke, but I reckon this is what needing a cigarette fix feels like as I push past her and run outside onto the street to get some air and collect my thoughts. I sit on the wall and take out my phone and call Zuri. She picks up.

“So sorry mon amour. I meant to tell you. On the spur of the moment I left for home …” I start. There is a short silence at the other end, then a deep breath, then she replies.

“It’s okay. I was worried because we were supposed to go to the museum … you are never late. I was imagining all the bad things that could’ve happened to you. I’m sorry about home. How is it going?”

“My dad walked out after I gave a speech about my passion for ballet. He just can’t see it Zu.”

“And your mom?”

“That one has become a silent partner in this parenting business.” I wait for her response – that doesn’t come. So I continue, “All I did was choose a career I like, and a girl I like.”

“I’m glad you stood up for yourself. At least, they now know and it’s up them to decide to be part of it, or not. I hope they come round. Family is everything. Have you spoken to Samu?”

“I have nothing to say to her. She had no right. It wasn’t her place. Especially, the part about you. I think they might come to accept the career thing but me dating you is never going to be acceptable. It’s not ‘African’. Their homophobia is wild.”

“Yeah, but maybe she did you a favour. Do you know when and if you were ever going to tell them about … well, school, and me?”

“Are you crazy? A favour? Are you even listening to yourself? How is this a favour, huh? It didn’t matter when I was going to tell them, what matters is they didn’t find out from me. And as for that ‘coming out’ crap. I don’t believe in that. Imagine where that goes. ‘So you might eventually end up marrying a boy, won’t you?’ I can just hear my mom, pleading.”

Zuri is silent again.

“I know you’re saying that because life became easy after you told your mom – but she’s different. I wish she could speak to my mom and convince her,” I continue.

“All I’m saying is at least now they know, and you all can deal with it.”

“But how can I deal with it when Baba is not here to have the conversation and my mother isn’t talking about it? I don’t even know why she is still with Baba. I don’t know why she didn’t divorce him a long time ago. I know you wish for me what you have with your mom. I understand that but circumstances are not the same Zu.”

And then she has to go and we promise to speak later and I go back inside.

***

Tell us: What are your feelings about Thando not telling her parents upfront that she had changed courses? Was her father right to be so angry?