Parents tend to make the mistake of thinking that we will always be fools. I understand the whole concept of “you’ll always be my daughter!” that mom constantly reminds. But I refuse to be fobbed off easily.

Sim’s father (yes, he’s done being my father, I’ve lost all respects for him!) seems to think that he can just bribe me and then we can both forget and move on with our lives like nothing ever happened. I wish he’d just stay away from me and accept that I HATE him!

I hate him for so many things: the lies, the emotional drama and everything he stands for!

I can’t hate him any more than I hate him now! And the more he tries to fix things, the more lies he tries to tell me, the more my hatred for him grows. I wish he’d just let me be, and forget that I exist and I will do the same.

If he can’t be my dad full-time, he won’t be my dad part-time – only when it suits him!

Why am I so bitter and angry?

Can you imagine this: he rocks up here – at the flat – uninvited, unexpected, and yes, unwanted! He demands to see me. He tries to feed me a poorly rehearsed lie he probably saw on TV: “You know you can’t avoid me forever, you can’t stay angry at me forever.”

His lame speech doesn’t move me. He moves on to his favourite blackmailing phrase: “Family comes first.”

So I just stared at him blankly and gave him the “I’m-not-talking-to-you-look”. And then he dropped his trump card (surely he thought he’d win me over!): “I’ll pay your rent Zinziswa!”

My first gut instinct was to jump for joy. It was one of those minutes when joy and confusion overwhelms you simultaneously.

I want to move out of home. Yes!

I want to be free from my mother. Yes!

I want the late nights of laughter with my roommate. Yes!

These were my thoughts, not a chorus of any song. And they made me happy.

But then I remembered who I was dealing with – enemy. A man I hated.

Rule #1: Never give away your tell in front of your enemy – always keep your poker face on. So I refused to smile at his offer. I sneered at it.

Rule #2: Never let your guard down in front of your enemy. As much as I need a space of my own, but for him to use it to push his own personal agenda is completely unacceptable!

What kind of a father is he who is wheeling and dealing for his daughter’s forgiveness? He thought I’ll just jump in the bandwagon and forget!

How could he even think of buying me? Isn’t he the one who taught me that money can’t buy happiness? How then would it buy him forgiveness?

Why can’t he just see that I’m giving him a wide berth – I want to stay away from him, that’s it! I would really appreciate it if he could do the same for me!

I know that some well-meaning person will tell me about blood being thicker than water – but that’s nothing new, isn’t soup thicker too?

Family is not blood – but loyalty and unconditional love is!

ZZ xxx

Dish it: What does family mean to you?

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