Some people really think that the world is their granny’s garden. They think that everything revolves around them; as if when they are not around the sun stops shining. So last night, Sebastian decided to come out of the woods and stop playing “hide and seek”.

I’ve never been so shocked in my whole life!

It was the first time in weeks since I had seen him – the true rendition of ‘The Return of Santa Claus. So I was quite surprised to find him on my doorstep when I went to answer a knock. I stood there for a moment blinking like an idiot who has been blinded by the rays of the sun.

After a long-drawn greeting and just looking at each other not sure what to say – and his blue eyes staring at me like the sun, burning me – I just left the door open and he followed me inside.

“You look different.”

I guess he was embarrassed by the silence and he felt that he had to say something.

“You look just the same,” my response was quirky, sharp and colder than I had intended it to be.

“You even sound different,” he said, “…your voice,” he added as an explanation when he saw the ‘what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about’ look I on my face. He laughed. It was the very same laughter that used to charm and fascinate me once. Everything the same – the tempo and even the look on his face!

The only difference was that it was doing the very opposite of what it used to do. It crept under my skin and annoyed me. I just wished he would just go away with his irking laughter. And for the first time EVER, God was quick to respond to my wishes. Sebastian didn’t linger around for long. He just said he’d love to talk to me.

“You are talking to me now, aren’t you?” a chilly brutal voice that didn’t sound like mine came out.

“To talk to you and fix things,”

But I told him that he could also see I was busy and my world wasn’t going to come to a standstill just because he came. He didn’t protest at all.

“Next time then,” he said.

I said maybe. And my maybe didn’t promise anything to hold onto. He left.

Just as soon as I closed the door, the rain poured. And this is Cape Town; when it pours it hails. I watched him standing outside my door, halfway between the gate and the door, getting himself soaked. I wanted to call to him but then I figured, he was cleansing.

You know that feeling you get when you’ve just had the final goodbye? It was like that. Somehow I think we are truly, really over. The other part of me wanted to wrap in a warm blanket and sit him in front of the fire. I hoped he wasn’t planning on going surfing, after the news on the weekend with the surfer guy in Muizenberg. Sharks are hungry and angry out there.

He’ll be fine, I told myself as I watched him drive away.

I was happy that he had left, yet I couldn’t help feeling that I could have handled the situation a little bit better! I mean, why was I so rude to him? What I did was childish and stupid…

A few minutes later, I was still sitting on the couch debating whether there was a better way to handle it or whether the sorry ass deserved the way I treated him!

I miss him though. But hell would freeze over before I admitted that to him. I’ll wait the call or the next visit. But I ain’t holding my breath.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: Was I mean to Sebastian? Does he deserve how he was treated?

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