I cried today. Me crying!? If there is anything that I hardly ever do, it’s crying. I don’t like crying! I do it, only when it’s necessary. . . Like today!

So, I’m busy packing my stuff since I’m going home tomorrow. I’ve been avoiding this moment for so long. I don’t want to go home. Not yet. I’d really love to go home when all my marks are out – and I know for a fact that I’m done and dusted with school.

Honestly speaking, I’m scared. What if I fail? What will mom say? There is now only one exam standing between me and my degree. Time moves fast, hey! Just the other day, I was a first year, stressing about making new friends, and wondering if Cape Town was the place for me.

It’s been three years since . . . and so much has happened in the interim. So, I’m busy packing my stuff and wondering if there’s anything that, if given a chance, I’d want to do any different now. Would I do anything different at all? In short, are there any regrets I harbour?

I cried today. It’s the memories that make you cry! It’s the memories that burn your heart until your eyes become waterfalls. As I’m packing, everything is a memory of something or someone! The red hoodie still smells like Sebastian!

How does one successfully pack three years inside a suitcase and not shed a tear for promises that were not kept? Until today, I hadn’t cried in three years. I still remember the last time I cried as if it happened yesterday. That was the night my parents told me that I’d have to leave everything I had known since I was a child and come to Cape Town.

I cried all night and woke up with a head that felt as if it had been hammered. From that day onwards, I decided that crying was not for me. It was for the weak and vulnerable. Crying was for the scared little mice of this world that were afraid of the unknown.

But today, I’m crying for a different reason! I’m crying because now I’ve reached another point exactly like that. I’m standing at the crossroads of life again! What now? That’s the question that’s going through my mind as I pack, not even sure what I’ll be doing next year…

What now? What now? What now? I mean, if all goes well, if I pass, what then? Honestly speaking, I’m scared! I’m scared of leaving school.

I think growing up sucks! What now? What should I do now that everything that I’ve been working for in the past three years is almost within reach? It’s crazy that I never really thought of this day – that one day I’ll sit in my room and pack everything, unsure of what the next year had in store for me?

The end of one road is the beginning of another. But where does the road lead now?

ZZ xxx

Dish it: Where is your road leading now?