Tomorrow it’s back to reality time. I never knew that a week is such a short time, hey! I mean just the other day it was Monday and I was all over the moon that I was going to spend time at home with mom and now it’s Sunday and schools are opening tomorrow. I guess time really flies, hey – especially when you’re enjoying yourself and feeling at peace with everything.

I went to church today. At least that got mom to notice me and start talking to me again. We hadn’t spoken…or rather she hadn’t spoken to me until today. She was ignoring me. I mean, I’ve been doing my best to get her attention. I’d wake up to make her coffee in the morning and she’d just drink it – without saying anything to me. Not even a simple “thank you”! I’d offer to rub her feet in the evening as we sit in awkward silence in front of the telly and she’d just shrug and say nothing.

But, today, I woke up and prepared myself for church. Mom was really impressed or pretended to be impressed coz it is only then that she began to speak to me again. She didn’t say anything about the cigarettes she found in my bag and I was quite relieved that she didn’t. I guess some things are better left just as they are – for the sake of peace and everything good.

Now, it’s almost midnight and I’m still up. I have an early class tomorrow in the morning. I know I should be asleep by now, but I can’t stop thinking about the day. After church, mom had somewhere to go, and I came home straight. I was sitting all by myself, listening to the Literature show on SA FM, when the idea of surprising mom with a delicious Sunday meal came to my mind. I’m not as good at cooking as Sebastian, but at least I know my way around the kitchen.

Mom only came home around 7 am. We had a quiet dinner and a glass of wine and spoke about the things that mother and daughter should always speak about – but that we, me and her, never speak about.

Of course, at first it was awkward. I mean, mom and I haven’t sat like this in a while. 3 years, I think. For the first time, we spoke about Sim, about dad, about family, about hope, about her forthcoming novel, about disappointment…about Sebastian!

“Do you ever miss dad?” I asked her, but what I was really asking is whether it is normal to miss another being as much as I miss Sebastian, if it is really love that makes me so terribly sad whenever I think of the distance and silence between Sebastian and I.

“Of course, I do!” A pause, and then she starts speaking again, this time her voice was a bit shaky, “I was married to him for 20 years… I miss him sometimes…” a face that’s filled with longing looks at me, her eyes, almost teary, looks past the window, outside to the apricot tree in the small garden she keeps.

Now, almost past midnight, I’m playing music from my laptop, and mom is sleeping in her bedroom, and I can’t stop think about the sad, nostalgic look I saw on my mother’s face earlier on. Our relationship, me and Sebastian, is nothing compared to 20 years, but I think I also wear a face like my mom’s whenever I think of Sebastian.

I miss him. And I told him so today. “I miss you,” were the only three words in the SMS I sent him. I guess that explains why I am up at this time of the night, waiting for the phone to ring and to hear a familiar voice.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: are you ready for the re-opening of schools?