“Well, the least you should do is tell Jayden about it,” Amanda says during another one of our many talks about my total lack of money. “Maybe he could help you.”
This time I drop my head into my hands and wail loudly.
“That’s even worse!” I say. “Jayden and I almost stopped speaking after I told him to back off and quit interfering in my life. There’s no way I’m going to turn around now and ask him for help. Especially not with money involved. He’ll think I’m a total loony tune.”
“And he’ll be right,” Amanda says crisply. “You’re much too proud for your own good, Latoya. You need help but you refuse to ask for it. If you and Jayden are ever going to have a real relationship, you have to let him in. You can’t keep hiding things from him.”
“I’m not hiding anything!”
“Oh, yeah? How about the fact that you’ve moved house? Don’t you think you should share that little detail with him? Imagine if he pitched up at your old place one day to find a totally strange family living there.”
I wave my hands around my ears like I’m trying to swat away a fly. These are things I don’t want to think about. The idea of hurting Jayden makes me feel sick inside, but the thought of involving him in my problems makes me feel even worse.
Jayden and my father – they’re both such new, fragile relationships. I don’t want to do anything to damage them.
Plus, I’ve grown up with a really independent mom as an example. Mom will literally do ANYTHING rather than ask for help.
She always says that God is the only one you should ever ask for help, but this confuses me even more. If God is in charge, then everything must happen for a reason, right? So isn’t it a bit insulting to ask Him to change things around just for me?
Oh, I don’t know. This is all such a downer. I miss the days when the worst thing I had to worry about was handing my maths homework in on time.
WHAT DO YOU THINK: Do you believe in a higher power? Do you turn to prayer when you’re in trouble, or do you try to sort it out yourself?