This has got to be the saddest and worst birthday of my life. I feel sad and torn. I should be out celebrating my nineteenth birthday. But I am in my room in pajamas, feeling more depressed than ever. How do I go out to celebrate – if somebody special to me is being buried on the same day and I couldn’t even attend the funeral?

Tee was here earlier, asked me what’s what, any plans for tonight; there is a party in town and we had planned to go out. But today I am not in the mood for anything. So I told her that I just feel like sitting in my room and to be left alone. She left, a bit disappointed, but I know she understands.

Dad just sent a two-word SMS, “Ukhule ntomb’am,” That makes it even worse.

Mom bought me a light blue Jimmy Choo handbag as a birthday present. And all I could do was whisper my thanks and that was it. She surely must have been disappointed but she has to understand that today is just not my day to celebrate, even if whatever happened. Today is just doomed.

I am tired of all of this. I hate life. I’m gonna sleep till forever.

ZZ xxx