“Yes, the man. Realeboga. Well, our dogs adore each other. Maybe that’s a sign, I don’t know. He has a beagle named Bessie who has fallen head over heels for Chompie and it appears to be mutual.”

Marea scowled. “That Bessie must be blind, Chompie is hideous.”

“No, he’s not,” Elizabeth protested.

“Dog love. Great. Please stay on point. You and the man. The first man you’ve shown any interest in since The Asshole. What’s up?”

“Yes, okay- the man. You know that first class, I felt like we had a connection, he smiled and said that thing about making friends and all, but now I don’t know. He seems to be polite and friendly like that with everyone. He hasn’t made any moves since the first class. I’m not sure what to do. I’m a bit rusty with all of this after being with Oaitse for so long.”

“Ah ah ah! No! What did we agree?” Marea said wagging her finger in the air.

“Oh, yeah… after being with that arrogant, stick-up-his-ass, twit, Oatise for so long. Is that better?”

“Perfect.” Marea suddenly saw something out the window and pointed. “Look! That guy could be the body double for George Clooney. Straight!”

Zakes and Elizabeth looked out the window at the man Marea was pointing to, a short, slightly chubby man. Zakes was about to speak but Elizabeth shook her head so he went back to his burger without saying a word. There was no point. Marea turned away from the window and back to them. “Okay listen, when’s your next class?”

“Tomorrow evening.”

“Okay, good. Afterwards ask him out for a drink or coffee. Some place outside so the dogs can be together. Use the dogs to pull him in. How much they love each other, how they should get to spend more time together, blah, blah, blah. You could really work this thing,” Marea said.

“I don’t know, it seems kind of sneaky.” Elizabeth picked up one of her chips and realised all of this talk about relationships was making her lose her appetite. Was she really ready for another relationship? She still sometimes cried about Oaitse. She was with him for so long. She wasn’t exactly clear how to not be with him, how to go forward and be with someone else. And she wondered too if she could ever learn to trust someone again. Now Marea wanted her to start everything by being sneaky and dishonest.

“Listen sweetie, love is sneaky. People act like it’s all puppies and rainbows, but it’s a lot messier than that. A whole lot messier. You ought to know that now after Mr Asshole trampled all over your heart like a cockroach that’d snuck into his bathroom. Believe me. I’ve been in these trenches for some time now. No one is honest and straight forward. Everyone’s playing an angle. You need to play yours. Chompie’s your angle. ” Marea called the waitress for another drink.

Zakes looked at his watch. “Listen, I need to leave you two. I don’t want to miss this call. Marea, a pleasure as always,” he said without hiding his sarcasm.

“Sweet talk will get you no where,” she snarled. Once he was gone she said, “He’s still hot for me.”

“Marea, if you still like him why don’t you ask him out? You’re the one who broke up with him remember?” Elizabeth said.

“Didn’t you hear? He has a new woman. And I have the elevator guy, who knows what will happen there? He might be my soul mate.”

“Yeah,well, from this seat, it looks like you still like Zakes and if you do, you shouldn’t just leave it. You’re right, he might meet someone else and then your chances will be gone.”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” She rubbed her queen of hearts. “Ask your man out. I smell something there.”

She stood up suddenly, threw money on the table and left. It was okay. Elizabeth knew Marea. Her way was to exit when situations got sticky.

*****

“Okay doggies and mommies and daddies, let us close our eyes and take a big breath in. And release. And another breath in …and release. Feel the air flowing through your body and relaxing you.” Ruth Wilson, the dog obedience teacher, started the class the same way each time. Elizabeth always wondered how many of the dogs followed her breathing instructions. She knew for sure Chompie didn’t. As everyone was breathing out, he was checking his private parts for fleas.

Elizabeth looked over at Realeboga. He must have come straight from work today. He still wore his suit, a black silk blend, though he’d loosened his tie a bit, just enough to show he was off duty. Elizabeth had to admit, few men looked bad in a good suit, but this one was way over the top sexy. Not that she liked comparing men to Oaitse, but Realeboga looked much better in a suit than Oaitse ever did. Oaitse was tall and slender and no matter how much he paid a tailor to fit his suit it always looked like it was hanging on him. Realeboga on the other hand seemed to fit his suit like it was his skin. Not too tight but fitting in all the right places. He opened his eyes and caught her looking at him, and he smiled. Smiled at her! That decided it! Today she would ask him out after class. No matter what. No. Matter. What.

“Okay parents, now we’re going to try stay off the leash,” Ruth Wilson said, smiling a bit manically as she always did. For someone always pushing calmness, she was pretty not calm.

Did Elizabeth hear “off the leash”? She had left her heels on instead of changing to her taakies because she wanted to look a bit taller when she asked Realeboga out. How was she going to chase Chompie all over the yard in heels? Because Chompie off the leash equalled Chompie going crazy, running all over and, in his mind, having a doggy disco party.

Elizabeth raised her hand. “I wondered, Ms Wilson, if maybe today…just for today… Chompie might stay on the leash. We could maybe practice it at home first so we could come to class a bit prepared. I think we all know he’s a slightly slower learner than the rest of the dogs and I don’t want to cause any class disturbance…slow everyone down and everything. ”

Other class members agreed, especially the woman with the beehive hairdo and a dog that looked very much like a moving toupee. The woman’s name was Tiffany, of course, and she had it in for Elizabeth and Chompie since day one. Okay, Elizabeth accepted Chompie had accidentally sat on Coco, the toupee, and it took the class almost five minutes to locate her, but, like Elizabeth repeated so many times before, it was any accident. Chompie was not malicious, he was just clumsy. She’d apologised over and over again. An accident really shouldn’t be held against a dog. Or its owner. Forgiveness was a virtue. Tiffany didn’t seem to buy that line.

Ruth Wilson was shaking her head. “No, no, no, I’m sorry Mama Chompie that’s not how our little class works. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Now let’s all work together to make sure Chompie is successful today, shall we?”

The class members clapped, some not as enthusiastically as other, and Chompie threw his head back and howled.

“Okay. First, before we begin, let’s visualise what we want our doggies to do so that they can get a mental picture of the command.” Elizabeth tried to see Chompie sitting politely, waiting until Elizabeth said “Come” and then trotting towards her and sitting at her feet obediently. She tried, but each time the image began to take root it shattered to pieces when Chompie went galloping across the yard knocking down people and stepping on dogs while Elizabeth ran after him in her 3” heels. She tried not to see herself face down on the ground, but usually it ended that way.

“Okay now have your doggie sit and then carefully unhook the leash. Visualise him staying patiently while you say firmly ‘stay’.” Ruth Wilson smiled at her class. When she looked at Chompie did the edge of her mouth quiver? Elizabeth was sure it had.

Elizabeth visualised and visualised as best she could and then bent down and whispered in Chompie’s ear, “Please, just this once, please do what I say and I’ll give you anything you want later. Anything. I promise.”

Chompie wagged his tail. Maybe it would be fine. He seemed to understand that this was important.

“Sit,” Elizabeth said with all of the other dog owners. “Stay.”

Then she carefully reached down and unhooked Chompie’s leash. She waited. He stayed. She stood up. He stayed. She started walking away- and he stayed! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Then just as Elizabeth relaxed, something went wrong. First there was a scream, and then a crash. By the time she turned around, three women were on the ground, one held her dog in her arms and cried. Chompie bounded across the yard to get to his beloved Bessie, not taking into consideration any of the obstacles between them, including Ms Wilson or the metal picnic table. Elizabeth ran after him, just as she’d done in her visualisation, apologising to everyone along the way. She almost caught him (she hadn’t been a 100 metre champion for nothing) but her heel got caught in the grass and like a slow motion clip, she stumbled and slid across the green grass, in her pink blouse and beige skirt, ending unceremoniously at Realeboga’s feet.

She looked up as he snapped a leash on Chompie’s collar. Then he helped her to her feet. “Are you okay?”

She looked down at her broken heel and her mud and grass stained clothes and said, “Sure. I’m fine,” as if she slid across the ground on a daily basis. It looked like her knee was bleeding.

Despite the disaster, Ms Wilson insisted everyone, including Chompie, get back to work. By the end of class Elizabeth managed to walk four meters away and Chompie would stay sitting until she said, “Come” and then he’d run directly to Bessie. By now everyone was ready for it, so there were no more screams and very little falling. Each time, Realeboga would put a leash on Chompie and bring him back to Elizabeth.

The last time he held her hand for a moment before handing over the leash. “I wonder, since our dogs like each other so much, maybe after this we could go to the park down the road, have some coffee and let our dogs play together. What do you think?”

Elizabeth smiled. She knew this guy’s game- because it was hers too! She didn’t let him know she was on to him though. She just smiled and said, “That sounds great.”

***

Tell us what you think: Do you think Elizabeth has a naïve, too believing approach towards love and relationships?