Two evenings before Karabo was due to leave, the dream came again, but this time she had the feeling of being suffocated and woke up desperately trying to get out of the smog, arms flailing in front of her. She shot up in bed, gulping down the cool Joburg air, before crying out for Anathi. She was terrified.

‘Karabo, what’s going on? Are you OK?’ she heard her mother’s concerned voice as she came into the bedroom looking for the light. Anathi’s arms wrapped around Karabo’s sweaty body, holding her firmly until she could speak. Anathi looked at Karabo closely. ‘What did you dream that terrified you like this?’

Karabo wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands before looking at her mother, hiccupping for breath, as she told her mom about the dream.

‘And it repeats … almost every night Mom … it gets worse and worse. Tonight, I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breathe,’ she said, looking down at the patterns on her duvet cover. Anathi stood up and paced the bedroom. Karabo looked up at her mother, frowning. Why was she pacing like a caged animal? ‘Mom?’ she asked. Anathi stopped, crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Karabo.

‘Do you get headaches? After the dream, or stomach cramps?’ Anathi asked. Feeling her head, Karabo nodded. The headaches weren’t major, just a twinge, and they usually went away by midday. The stomach cramps were fleeting, and Karabo had  just assumed they were bizarre period pains. She looked at her mom, feeling guilty. ‘Yes, but they aren’t too bad Mom. It’s like period pains,’ she said, trying to make it seem unimportant, but knowing her mother was working towards something.

Anathi swore under her breath. Purposefully she walked to Karabo and sat next to her again. ‘I need to tell you something about us,’ she said to Karabo. Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. Taking Karabo’s hand, Anathi continued ‘I had hoped it would miss you, like it missed me. But I guess not,’ she said, and smiled a sad smile.

‘Miss me?’ asked Karabo, confused and unsettled.

‘We come from a long line of sangomas Karabo. Crazy Kholiwe, my aunt, she was one. We liked to pretend she was just crazy, but she wasn’t. She lived in two worlds – this one and the spirit world. I think it made her crazy, she maybe wasn’t strong enough to handle her calling. My mother, your grandmother, was also a sangoma. She was devastated when the ancestors didn’t call me. I was a constant disappointment to her, that’s why I tried so hard at university and continue to try and prove myself at work I guess. It’s pathetic but true,’ sighed Anathi, shaking her head.

‘But Mom, you never told me we are from a family of sangomas before. Why? How could you not?’ asked Karabo. She felt betrayed that her mother had kept this from her.

‘Because I thought you weren’t. I sort of hoped you weren’t!’ she confessed. ‘I know the signs. My mother would ask me over and over about my dreams. But I was never called. You, my angel, are definitely being called,’ explained Anathi, her face revealing her pride. Karabo shook off her mother’s hand and stood up, annoyed and angry as she walked away from her mother.

‘You, I mean me, I’m a sangoma?’ she raised her voice pointing from herself to her mother and back again. ‘This is insane, Mom.”

All I want is to be hockey captain and get my colours. I want to pass my exams and go on holiday in December. I have not asked, not ever, to be a sangoma. You have to tell them, whoever is calling me, that I say NO. No thanks, and all that, but absolutely NO. Not happening, I’ve got too much on. I’m very busy at school and I can’t do whatever it is they need me to do,’ said Karabo, as though she were making a public stand for a cause.

Anathi couldn’t keep a straight face. A smile spread along her mouth, and eventually overtook her face as she began to laugh. She laughed so hard that she snorted, and then had to cover her mouth with her hands to stop herself from waking the whole of Sandton. Karabo stared at her mother, who was behaving ridiculously. Karabo put her hands on her hips and waited for her mother to stop laughing at her.

‘Are you finished Mom?’ she said. Anathi looked at her daughter, nodding with a guilty look on her face.

‘My angel, once you are called, you are called. The ancestors call you from the spirit world. I can’t do anything and it’s pointless to fight it. You will have to be taught. It doesn’t mean you have to live in a hut for the rest of your life, selling muti. But you do need to understand your calling. You can integrate your divine knowledge into whatever you decide to do with your life. But you have to learn how to handle this gift,’ explained Anathi, her face serious.

‘I don’t want it Mom. Why can’t you make it go away? I want to be like everyone else. Isla isn’t going to be called by the ancestors. Why do I have to be like this? It’s your fault. You did this. Now your life is perfect and I’m going to be the freak like Crazy Kholiwe,’ cried Karabo, beating her fists against her body in frustration. She was fuming.

Anathi stood up and walked up to Karabo. ‘It’s a lot to take in and I can see you’re angry. You need to calm down and then we can talk in the morning. We are going to get nowhere with you like this,’ said Anathi calmly and quietly, walking past Karabo and out of her room, closing the door behind her.