I quit, I won’t force it. I mean why should I torture myself like this?

It’s quite obvious now that I’m suffering from bibliophobia! What’s that? Well, it’s the fear of books. After the disaster of a week I had last week, you’d think I’ll be more determined to fix myself and study more. But, alas, it seems I still haven’t learnt to prepare in time. I simply can’t find motivation to study.

I mean, the only motivation I have is to stay far from book. There is Tee –the only things she does best nowadays is to take long naps, her case is understandable. The only thing that is keeping her studies floating is the fact that she is at her most productive when she is working under pressure – but still there is a significant drop in her marks. The fact that she and her dad are not on speaking terms only worsens her situation.

What’s more there are those two party-junkies – Thabisile and Patience – who are not really into books. In fact, they only touch their books during class and the day before a test. They are only doing this because their parents expect them to, they say. If it were up to them, they’d have long dropped out. And it’s no surprise that they don’t understand who studies on a Friday night.

And then that leaves me feeling like a bookworm and a nerd. Sometimes, I even feel guilty that I’m studying – and everyone is doing something else that seems to be more fun than the books. How can books be fun, after the brutal torture I suffered last week? I wrote three consecutive tests in three consecutive days – they left me traumatized… it was so bad that on my last paper I was even secretly hoping that the lecturer would fall sick and cancel the test. The marks are not yet out but I know I did bad bcoz I was stressing thinking of the lecturer’s wife who had been involved in an accident?

What if it was my prayers?

I wrote the exams feeling guilty and I know I didn’t do very well. And this should be motivation enough, but I’m finding reasons to procrastinate. For instance, Thabisile is on her way here, we are going to buy takeaways. I really wanted to say no but I couldn’t bring myself to doing it – she is, in fact, a welcomed distraction from the mundane task of battling with my phobia. I mean, I’ve been sitting here for at least 3 hours and I haven’t done anything. Maybe I should be out there enjoying my youth like all my peers.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: What do you do when you have difficulties with focusing on your studies?