Sebastian came today.

I don’t how to explain his explanation for leaving me in the company of his friends that night. I find it really hard to admit it when I am wrong. Not that I want to be right all the time. It’s just difficult sometimes to accept that you were wrong. It happens to all of us, I think. And what makes it worse is that I called him all kind of names, I jumped to conclusion… and as it turns out, he had a valid reason. In fact, a more than valid reason: his 15 year old sister – Michaela – tried to kill herself.

None of us knows the exact details yet – we won’t know until she wakes up from the coma.

Please don’t remind me what a turd I am for thinking he is cheating whilst he was going through all that. I hate myself for ranting and raving like a disgruntled girlfriend! Why didn’t I wait for him to explain before I jumped to all sorts of conclusions about his infidelity? Am I really that insec…? Why couldn’t I just trust him? I mean he promised not to hurt me; why can’t I just give him my trust.

He didn’t say anything about the messages I left him on his phone. I wonder if he hates me. He didn’t stay for long. He had to go back to hospital, in case his sister woke up.

I don’t feel like going out anymore. Mom will be disappointed that we cancelled on her. But she’s a mother – she will understand. Or Tee can go there alone. I will just go drop her there on my way to the hospital. I mustn’t forget to buy food for Sebastian along the way. And fruits – for when his sister wakes up. This is the least I can do for him, to be there for him now.

It still doesn’t make sense you know… I can’t get grips around the whole thing. I mean, on Wednesday night, she was there before we left for the braai. And nothing seemed amiss. She was her usual Michaela-self, laughing and free-spirited. I guess it’s true that laughter and the smiles on our faces are but masks that we decorate ourselves in to conceal our truest feelings.

Ai! Life!

ZZ xxx

Dish it: What do you thinks pushes people to the edge, until they try to kill themselves?

We can continue this chat on Facebook: The Diary of Zinzi Zwane.