Something strange happened today. Not only did I speak to Sebastian’s mom, but we actually agreed on something. No, we did not agree that Sebastian and I make a great couple (though I’d have loved that). We agreed that Sebastian needs to go home. He has been spending nights in the hospital, waiting for Michaela to wake up.

I just wish he would listen to his mother and stop torturing himself. What makes it even worse is the fact that he blames himself for the whole thing; that it was him who is responsible for her and that he should’ve noticed that something was amiss.

No amount of talking from his mom or me can convince him. I feel so helpless right now… I can’t even get through to him. He is just distant and won’t listen to anyone. Tee says I should be patient with him; that eventually he will come around.

I hope he does… but one thing is for sure, I can kiss my plans of spending quality time with him goodbye. Not that I mind or I’m complaining or anything though. His sister needs him more than I do.

I don’t mean to be judgemental or anything, but I do wish people understood that life is not meant to be easy. What I mean is that things cannot always be good nor can they always be bad. Ever heard that variety is the spice of life? Pain and happiness are as inevitable parts of life as day and night. The sun cannot shine forever nor can darkness linger till eternity.

Ok. Ok. Maybe I’m getting a much… maybe I sound a bit like a pastor telling people that they can overcome whatever they are going through without actually knowing their struggles… but the point I’m getting at is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Don’t keep it to yourself. It really helps to talk about how you feel. Yes, sharing your feelings with others is still caring. For example, if Michaela hadn’t kept her feelings to herself, Sebastian’s mom and I wouldn’t have had to try and convince him that it is not his fault. But then again, maybe we – Sebastian’s mom and I – wouldn’t have spoken at all.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: Do you often talk about how you feel? How do you feel when people are not talking to you?