Finally, at long last, I can take a much-deserved breath of fresh air. I was beginning to wonder how long will I suffocate and live like a fugitive in my own home. I felt like I was being hunted and cornered, tied and tangled in a web of deceit and charades. It’s as if I was expected to smile, grin and pretend everything is right. That nothing in this world is amiss.

I don’t know why mom didn’t get rid of him (my dad) when she had all the reasons to do so. But I guess it was easy for her, coz anyway she knew that this would happen one day. If it’s not so, why did she treat them like they were welcomed in her house, why did she open her doors to them and allowed them to perch on her sofas like distinguished guests?

Dad tried to speak to me today, they had come to tell us that they were leaving for P.E. “I want to explain everything to you Zinzi, because if I don’t…” that’s only how far I could bear to listen to him.

I felt like bitch slapping him – right across the face – with my fists. I am up to my neck with his lies.

He thinks he can just “explain” and everything will go back to normal! His pomposity, arrogance and self-centredness really makes me angry.

And on top of that, there is Sim with his rebellion and mom… I really don’t know what to make of him anymore; his face is just emotionless like a plain piece of paper!

And then there is me, I don’t know where I fit in in this whole charade. It pisses me off.

But I hope that from today things will only get better. Dad and his troops left. I wonder how he felt, leaving his family just like that, deserting them? What was it that he felt, deep in his heart, where no man’s eyes can reach? Couldn’t he hear my silent screams for him to stay, to fix things with mom? Couldn’t the love I had for him reach out to him, or was the hatred too much?

A wife, and children and you choose to discard all of that, throw it all away like it had never meant anything to you! This has got to be the saddest day of my life. What makes the pain worse is that the person responsible for it seems to be enjoying every moment of the pain he inflicts on us.

ZZ xxx

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