We grew up differently from the way our parents grew up.

When we were young, our parents said that girls must not eat amasi, eggs and chicken, because these foods made the girls grow up too fast and made their blood too hot. All they wanted, then, were boyfriends.

But now, these days, all that young people want is milk, Rama and eggs.

Also in those days of our parents, they had a party for a special day. If the first daughter turned twenty- one, the parents killed a goat, made Zulu beer, and called relatives and neighbours. From cutting the goat, they took the skin and wrapped it around the daughter’s arm.

This way they saw that the daughter did not suffer. When she got old, she would have a husband and babies.

But today, young people are different. They don’t want to keep the ways of their parents. They say, “What will our friends say?” When they turn twenty- one, they play radiograms and open the window. They are too modern.

***

Funerals — before and now

When we go to a funeral these days it is not the same as it used to be.

Before, we had to be patient at funerals. It was as if we were not allowed to behave badly when somebody had died in the family. We had to behave nicely, and when you were talking you were not shouting.

Usually, the woman who has lost her husband puts a rug over her shoulders and sits down quietly in front of the candles. She is not allowed to get up from there until the funeral day and she must not talk to people. If you want to talk to her you have to walk slowly and come close to her and talk softly.

Now people do things in a different way. They are not patient. They shout. They drink beer during the time of mourning, especially if the person who died was a drunkard.

Then they say, “Eh, he was our friend and we have to drink now because we used to do it together. We have to drink a lot today because they are going to take him away from us now.”

And then sometimes you’ll see the wife who has lost her husband getting up and taking off her rug and starting to quarrel with the other people in the family.

Recently I have been to two very different funerals.

The one was my mother’s funeral where everything was done the right way.

The other one was a very strange funeral.

***

My mother’s funeral

My mother died last year in Ladysmith. And when she died, we, the family, gathered and we all went to Ladysmith where she had been living.

There we sat inside the house, the whole family and all the neighbours and friends.

When somebody from our nation has died, usually all the people come to the house and talk about the person who has passed away. What I liked best about this gathering was that all the people who were there said nice things about my mother.

They told how she liked to go to church and many other things she used to do. They said that she helped people from the neighbourhood and that she often talked to the young women and tried to explain things to them if they had problems. They all loved her.

And now that she was dead they were all there, walking up and down in the house and helping us. We did not even have to cook supper because there were so many people helping and bringing food.

On Friday we had the memorial service and Father Godfrey came to the house.

When we started to pray Father Godfrey talked about her. He said, “This lady was very brave. She used to go to church even when she was suffering from her knees. But one day I said to her, `Don’t worry to come here. It is too far. I will come over to your section and have a prayer with you old people.

So you must tell the other old people to get together at your place.’”

And Father started coming to her home, giving a prayer for the old people.

But one day my mother waited until he had left the house. Then she went out in order to follow him and to go to church again. When she had been walking for some time she got very tired and sat down at the side of the road.

After a while Father came back by car from other places. When he saw her sitting at the side of the road he said, “Hau, why are you here?”

She said, “Oh no, I can’t stand it. I like to come to church because people sing nicely in church. But there at my home, we old people can’t sing nicely. That is why I am not satisfied when I am not in church.”

Father said to her, “Oh, get inside the car, let’s go.” And he had to take her to church again and bring her back every time because he felt that the way was too long and that she had to walk a lot.

This is what Father said.

And some of the young women said, “Oh, when I was fighting with the other young women or with my husband, Gogo helped me.”

And others said, “When I had to go out working, Gogo used to come and help me at home, looking after my children and giving them food. Now we have lost her. We don’t know who is going to help us.”

Oh, all of them said nice things about her.

And then on Saturday we all went to the funeral to bury her.