“You’re embarrassing me! Please just do me a favour and stay away from me.”

Or: “Just keep it cool, man; you’re bringing unnecessary attention to us.”

I’d be surprised if some of you, at some point, haven’t heard people say this kind of stuff. Or maybe you were even the one that said it.

It doesn’t have to be these words exactly. It can be something totally different.

In fact, when I said it and when it was said to me, it was totally different.

It was in 2012 when I said it.

I had just begun dating Nande, a fellow law student at Udubs. I didn’t want anyone knowing that we were together. So I made it my mission to find a gentle way of telling her this.

When the moment to tell her came, the best I could think of was: “Babe, what we have would be way more special if no one else knew about it, but us.”

Her response was simple: “You’re probably right, ey. People might be weird around us if they know.”

I felt relieved when she agreed to keep it a secret.

To be honest, though, a part of me felt guilty. She clearly didn’t know my real reason. She didn’t know that I was ashamed of our relationship.

Every time I looked at her I imagined my friends telling me: “Sicelo, she’s not pretty!” or “C’mon, dawg, she’s just a 5 (out of 10).” So I ignored some of her calls and told people that she was just some chick I knew from my class.

It might or might not surprise you when I tell you this, but she dumped me a month later. She was crying on the phone when she called and told me that I was just as bad as her ex-boyfriend. I’m guessing she found out the truth about how I felt.

I’m also guessing that Karma (or as some say: what comes around goes around) was fighting for her, because the same thing I did to her happened to me last year.

The new girl’s name was Victoria (also a law student). I was crazy about her. But she kept spinning the same lies that I used against Nande.

“I’m not ready, Sicelo. I’m not ready for the world to know about us.”

And I believed her.

I believed that when she was ready she’d show our relationship off to the world. But it never happened.

On Valentine’s Day I found out that instead she had been dating some guy for three months. I found out that I had never been good enough for her. And it hurt me.

Nande’s feelings had gotten hurt all because I didn’t believe she was good enough. And Victoria was doing the exact same thing to me.

In my mind it was, then, pretty clear: what comes around definitely goes around!

But, it’s 2014 now and I’ve learnt Karma’s lessons.

I can’t help but wonder, though, about those of you who haven’t had the lesson yet. I can imagine all the ‘cool kids’ out there who have friends or family members that they’re trying to avoid, because those friends or family members will embarrass them somehow. Basically, they (the so-called cool kids) don’t want anyone to cramp their style and make them look ‘un-cool’.

So, ladies and gentleman, I want to hear what you think.

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#ChatBack: Are you ashamed of someone you like, just because they don’t look cool?

Or, do you also look at who the person really is on the inside, and not care about what others think?

In other words, do you think I should have been proud of my relationship with Nande even if my friends didn’t think she was cool?

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Congrats to you ff1999RurY+0000ffG00d, for your touching comment: “Nande had a beautiful heart, u toyed with it. She gave u ha love, u were ashamed of it. She gave u ha all, u nva apreciated it. She couldve been the best ul eva have. Nthng hurts more than loving loving loving nd gettin nun bk. Hope uve learnt ur lesson”