I’ll never forget the first time I told someone that I’ve never known who my father is.

It was one of the most difficult things I’d ever admitted to as a kid – a fifteen-year-old kid for that matter. I was emotional, but because I thought I was confiding in a genuine friend of mine I felt safe enough to reveal that secret. Instead of being the good friend that I thought he was, the dude laughed in my face and teased me about it for the next two days.

If you asked me what he said exactly when teasing me I wouldn’t be able to tell you, because I blocked it out from my mind a long time ago. But what I can tell you is that he and I are no longer friends. Secondly, I still don’t know who my father is, but I’m no longer emotional about not knowing him. I’ve made peace with his absence in my life.

This peace came after I had a deep conversation with my brother where he told me that as a man you have to learn to appreciate what you have and not constantly cry for what you don’t have. And I realised that he was right. Even though I’ve never had a father, I have a loving mother who tried her best to give me a good education, and brothers and sisters who also tried their best to assist her in giving me a good education. We don’t always get along and I don’t always feel like they understand me, but one thing I know is that they love me and want me to live up to my potential.

And that is how we come to this week’s discussion. Having told you about my daddy issues, I think it’s time you and I start talking about the real question: are parents (biological, adoptive, foster and even grandparents), aunts and uncles, older brothers and sisters important in the life of a young person?

Yes. That’s the answer to the above question.

Now I know that I’m asking tough questions here, because some of you may only have an aunt, a mother or father in your lives, with no other family members around, but these kinds of questions need to be asked and answered.

Why are they important to young people, you ask?

The answer isn’t simple, but I think we can start by saying that having these people in a young person’s life can help make that person better and the world a better place.

When you have someone in your life that has life experience, who has seen the good things that happen when you make certain decisions and the bad things that follow when you make other decisions, life can become a little bit easier. And now I’m not saying that you should just live your life the way others have lived their lives.

I’m saying that learning starts somewhere.

In fact, as Xhosa men we have two sayings that we usually use when teaching amakrwala (“new men”), namely: “indoda ifunda, ifunde ide iyo’fa” or “ingcwaba lendoda lise caleni kwendlela”. What these sayings basically mean is that a Xhosa man’s life is a journey and with each move he makes through it he must keep learning until the day he dies.

After explaining all of the above to Nosicelo, a friend of mine, she said that the problem sometimes with getting advice from parents, aunts, grandparents and the like, is that they may not understand what you go through every day as a young person.

She says that these family members are important, but that it’s also a good idea to find successful young people that have made it past what you’re going through right now. For example, it’s a good idea, she says, for a matric student from Philippi to speak to other young people from Philippi who’ve passed matric and gone on to become successful. For times have changed fast, and it is very useful to hear from those who have faced similar challenges to you – and overcome them.

And with that, it’s time to hear what you have to say.

#ChatBack: Tell me about the people around you.

Do they give you love, support and life advice?

Do you have role models closer to you in age who inspire you?

How are they helping to change your life?