You and your partner have decided to call it quits. You both shed tears, screamed and ultimately decided that ending the relationship would be the best thing for both of you.
Calling it quits can be hard. While no relationship is always sunshine and roses, you’ve invested your time and heart in the person who will now essentially become little more than a stranger. Break-ups can be really stressful, but believe me, things will get easier.
Here are my top seven tips for healing that broken heart:
1. Do not stalk your ex on social media
While you may be very tempted to check up on your ex and see what they’ve been up to since you broke up, I strongly advise you to either block them from social media or deactivate your social profiles for a while to stop yourself from making contact with them.
Think about how you’ll feel if you see your former bae posting snaps of their new partner or having a ball of a time partying with friends while you’re moping around at home in pyjamas. You need to heal, and that means focusing on yourself and who you are without that person in your life.
2. It’s okay to cry
Friends and family member – as well-intentioned as they are – will often encourage you to get over your ex using clichéd phrases like, “there are plenty more fish in the sea” or “you’re still young, you’ll find someone else”.
The truth is guys, breaking it off with someone you had strong feelings for and spent a lot of time with can have a significant impact on your psyche. Whether it was you or your partner who decided to call things off, it hurts and you need to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that comes with that kind of loss. Cry, scream and allow the catharsis to take over, the release will be good for you.
3. Throw yourself into a big project
While it’s good to let yourself feel the pain of loss, you can’t allow yourself to be sucked into a vacuum of grief forever. Throwing yourself into work or a project that is close to your heart will help you keep yourself busy and refocus your mind to more productive pursuits.
You could use the added time you have on your hands to work harder at improving your grades at school or university, getting physically fit, or even going back to things you enjoyed before you got together with your former bae. Before you know it, you would have stopped trying not to think of your ex and you would have actually stopped grieving for the failed relationship.
4. Make time for your friends
A night out with the girls or going to a football match with the guys might be just what you need!
Friends can be a great support system when things go sour in your relationship, a good laugh might be just what you need to temporarily forget about those break-up blues.
Just remember that when you’re hanging out with your buddies, it’s good to actually be in the moment instead of thinking about your ex constantly or bad-mouthing them to your posse.
5. Stop listening to sad love songs!
It’s really tempting to listen to the songs you and your ex loved to dance the night away to. You imagine their staring into your eyes and all the old the feelings you had for them resurface again.
While memories of your former bae will be all around you – especially in the beginning phases of the break-up when you’re still raw – it’d probably be best to stay away from sad, love songs and romantic movies for a while. Tear-jerkers would have you calling your ex at 2am, asking “what went wrong?”
6. Stop ALL contact with your ex
Aside from simply blocking them from social media, delete every single message the two of you exchanged as well as their contact numbers to eliminate the temptation of giving them a call when you’re at your lowest.
Former bae may try and sweet-talk you into giving them another chance, or simply tell you to shove off – both responses could be equally damaging to your self-esteem and resolve to get your groove back.
7. Do not start a Twitter/Facebook smear campaign against former bae
You may have gotten your heart broken, but posting slurs about your ex will not bring him/her back into your life.
As we’ve learnt from many, many people – including the wife of Springbok rugby star, Siya Kolisi’s wife, Rachel Kolisi, who recently called a woman out on social media for inboxing her man on Instagram – airing your dirty laundry on social media will only get you egg on your face.
While it may be tempting to post, “My ex was such a liar and a cheat, I hate him/her so much” or “Never date Jarred, he has smelly feet”, you will only end up embarrassing yourself. Domestic issues should NOT be broadcast online. It often makes readers critical of you, not always the other person. And should you end up taking your ex back, you’ll be the one looking like a fool – a frivolous fool at that.
I hope my tips help you get over your ex. Always remember that time is the best healer around.
Tell us: What are some of the ways that you got over a tough break-up? How effective were they?