Independence – just a dream for many

Independence is a questionable concept in Black households. Yes you can work; yes you can buy groceries; and yes you can raise your younger siblings if you are older. But does that mean you can move out and be independent? No. Well, not according to our parents and in all honesty not according to the economy.

I moved out of my parental home for many reasons, but my mental health was the biggest one. As the oldest, there are so many responsibilities to think about; so much so I could not worry about my own health. It’s mentally draining; but living with parents is also financially draining. Many young people nowadays take care of households financially, since some of us earn double the amount our parents do.

I spoke to Amanda, 26, who told me her struggles because of staying with her parents. She is a third-year student. She fell behind with her schooling when she got pregnant as a teen. Her parents’ lack of respect of her boundaries still makes her feel like she is 16.

“My relationship with my parents is hard most days. Even though I am considered an “adult” by the world, under their roof I am a child who must report where she is, what she is doing there, and when she’s coming back. I could move out, but I don’t have the money to do so right now. I am finishing my degree and my daughter just entered high school.”

Siya, 23, moved out of his parents’ RDP house and built a shack in the yard for himself – that is normal practice in the townships especially for young men. As a woman I always thought boys having their own shack gave them much more freedom than girls. But Siya says differently. As much as it may appear like he has independence, he is still expected to take care of the main house’s chores, pay all the bills, take care of the younger siblings, and as an only boy be the head of the household.

This is a universal issue for many young people. The idea of independence sounds amazing, but many cannot afford it. But when you get the time, space, and financial stability to do so, please do. I was scared going out to live on my own; it was not an easy decision, both mentally and financially, but it’s definitely worth the peace.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like…to know why its okay to make mistakes

Tell us: What are your experiences as an adult living in your parental home?

14 Responses

😶🤔

Lebogang Shokane · 10 months ago

I don't have experience

Mathobega Matemane · 10 months ago

Its so hard

Petunia Mogadile · 2 years ago

Generally, interms of financial its hard to live with your parent since, as you are getting older, preferences incleases in ones life, hence it becomes painful when you see a parent using the money for their own reasons without consdering you yet when it comes to work you do together.

Patrick Zondeni · 2 years ago

So sad can't even explain

Teboho Lebaka · 2 years ago

Yooh this one takes back to 2020, After I buried my mother, family started showing me true colours. Eventually I was staying in a family house where I shared with my late mother when she was very I'll. So that she can be closer to family. She passed away 2019 November, and 2020 April I started working. Thats when I started getting negative vibes from the owner of the house. They even told me that before Month end I must be out of the house, it was not easy for me bcz I just got a job. I had to look for a place to rent. And my friend she helped to get a room. And little did I know they were pushing me to success.

Zolani Mrwetyana · 2 years ago

Every month the want me to spend mu money to them. Is not ok to do that because thei working

Avhasei Ramadwa · 2 years ago

True its not easy to live with parents.. Last i decided to move out at the age of 29 and i had a second child so it was a difficult decision to make but i did it..

Ellena Calma Matonsi · 2 years ago

True

Zanele Mathonsi · 2 years ago

Every month they expect me to share my stipend with them but they also working. I'm unable to enjoy my money in peace because of them.

Letlhogonolo Kotsedi · 2 years ago

I also inform my parents gore keya kae

Mandi Mbatha · 2 years ago

I agree

Sibongile Dladla · 2 years ago

If you are living in your parents' house, you are their responsibility, and they are right to want to know about your whereabouts. It is unfair for you to expect them to just keep quiet when you are out and don't ask any questions when you return the next day or at night. It's reckless. Even you, you wouldn't allow that. As a responsible young adult, when I go out, I tell my mother everything so she doesn't worry. Yes, people should strive for independence outside of thier parents, but they should not do that recklessly. If you think your Mental health is worse under their strict rules, wait till you get out and have to deal with paying your rent, groceries under this economy that's in shambles. People must weigh their options very well before jumping.

Motebang Disene · 2 years ago

Jessica Mavotsa · 2 years ago

Independence – just a dream for manyMindspace — Thu, 2 June 2022

Independence – just a dream for many
Mindspace — Thu, 2 June 2022