Earth is a heterosexual planet. Everything is geared with the notion that sexual attraction is defined by opposite genders being attracted to each other. This idea is biblical. We have Adam and Eve, Mary and Joseph, Samson and Delilah, Abraham and Sarah and plenty others. The Bible is important to mention because it is a book that has sold five billion copies worldwide. It is translated into more than five hundred different languages. The bible as a literary document is also the most discussed. All over the planet on every Sunday, there are over a million “book clubs” (churches) which discuss the faultless merits of this one book as an exemplary blue-print for the kind of life that God approves of. Regardless of your religious beliefs, the bible is an influential document.
There are no homosexual couples mentioned in the bible, none. The only mention of anything even remotely homosexual is written in Genesis chapter 19, where an entire city of men try to break into Lot’s house in an attempt to rape two male angels. This attempted rape results in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah being destroyed by God. Later in Leviticus there is a verse that forbids men from lying with other men as they do with women.
The Bible as a document sees homosexuality as something rapey and violent. There is no biblical account of a loving homosexual couple. While many heterosexual couples mentioned in the bible are rounded and complex, there is no such decency afforded to homosexuals. This one book has helped to engender worldwide homophobia. Earth as a planet is a lonely place for a person who is attracted to someone of the same gender. Homophobia has resulted in this kind of love being criminalised all over the world. Only recently have countries started to decriminalise homosexuality and afford recognition and rights to same sex couples.
In 2018 people still reduce homosexuality to the sex act. There are few narratives that speak of a life outside the bedroom for homosexuals. Society does not discuss the relationship between people of the same gender. We do not discuss the care, concern, attraction, love and building of a life that happens. This is the reason that I am personally very open about my relationship with my girlfriend. I put up pictures of us on my social media doing mundane everyday couple things like cooking and studying and parenting. I think it is important for people to know that we exist and we love just like everyone else. That we fight and we make up and we deal with each other’s families same as any other couple. I need for the world to understand that the ONLY major difference between my relationship and any other relationship is the fact that we are both women.
I had my first girlfriend at the age of 33. Before that I considered myself to be completely straight. She and I had known each other for years, through family connections. I had been to her wedding ten years earlier. She had married a man and so had I. On this occasion we had gone to a girls’ weekend getaway. She was one of those women who looked conceited because she had her life together. She had packed matching luggage for the trip while I had thrown items into my son’s sports bag. Her hair and make-up were done, and I had had a baby a year earlier so I was struggling to get rid of the baby weight. On bad days I would look and feel like I was three months pregnant still. She was so well put together that I was annoyed by her.
There were eleven other women on the trip and I caught her looking at me. I thought it was in judgement. She looked at me the entire Friday of our arrival that it started to make me feel self-conscious. I went to sleep early, and she came in to wake me up in order to say goodnight. I found her even more annoying. The next day I slept in and I could hear her giving instructions and ordering everyone up. She was having all of them contribute into making an elaborate English breakfast. She knocked and walked into my bedroom to wake me up so she could boss me around like she was doing with everyone else. I was not having it.
I slept in, and when I finally woke up, people had eaten and showered. She showed me to my breakfast and I ate and participated in the loud conversation about husbands and careers and life. I tend to be opinionated so I took over the conversation. I could still feel her eyes on me and later I went to shower. When I was done showering, just as I was putting on lotion, she came in without knocking. She then kissed me on the mouth, with tongue. She gently pushed me against the cold bathroom tiles and continued to kiss me, causing me to change sexual orientation forever. This is now years later and I have since left my marriage and am now living my truth as a queer woman.
Sometimes I think women are better at relationships. I was with my ex-husband for 19 years and I don’t remember him ever complimenting me. It was as if he feared that telling me I looked pretty would make my head too big for him to manage. And that was during my best years, when I was in my prime with gorgeous skin, when my breasts still sat firmly against my chest and my waist was more defined.
I have found that I am loved better by women, that they speak the same love language as I do. Being with women has opened me up to parts of myself I did not think needed nurturing. My love language is communication, words of affirmation. And women are better communicators; they tend to be more emotionally transparent. I’m sure there are men out there who are good communicators too. But for me, I don’t need them anymore!
But I have to add that my girlfriend and I fight just as hard as we love. Homosexual relationships work the same way that heterosexual ones do. Sexuality is a matter of preference and not morality.
The Old Testament may judge homosexuality, but it also tells slaves to obey their owners, says women need to wear cover their heads in church, says that people who have a disability should not come to receive communion. We know many rules were reflections of the times they were written. Many Christians now preach love, tolerance and acceptance of everyone, including those who have different sexual orientation. I wish that more would listen to them.
Tell us: do you think society is becoming more accepting of gay relationships?
This blog also forms part of our Rights 2.0 – Bridging Divides project. Find out more here.