If there is one thing I love most about myself it’s the fact that I am an independent woman. I was raised by father to always depend on myself and to work hard for what I want in life. This week I am sharing my experience of being an independent woman, the Ups and the Downs because this week on the 8th of March we celebrated International Women’s Day.

It’s all up to you

Firstly, you must understand that as an independent woman, you can’t just wait for someone to do things for you. If you don’t get up and do it for yourself, no one will. In all my University years I had to work hard to support myself at school and also, to work hard to pass my academics because I knew very well that if anything should go wrong, or if I slack in any way, then I would only be disappointing myself. Every morning I had to get up with the intention of doing my utmost best for that day – self-motivation was my best friend.

Mom and dad to the rescue

Well, you might as well forget this because once your parents know and are confident that they have raised an independent child, well, they sort of start to let you handle your business yourself. For me, as the youngest, my parents gave me free range to work for my pocket money at an earlier age than that of my siblings. This allowed me to learn, make mistakes and start again very early in life which I think has helped me build my strong will, and also taught me to work hard and to know what I want out of life.

Love is not just about the heart

Being an independent woman you start to realize that relationships are not as they are displayed in movies, where you meet a nice guy and you fall madly in love and maybe someday get married and have children. Hahahah I wish. What I have noticed is that most guys start to treat you differently as an independent woman; they tend to either date you because you can depend on yourself, and therefore they won’t work as hard to buy you things, and pay for your dinner, because they know that you can actually do it yourself. Also, most start letting you pay for things and some even act like the lady in the relationship and expect you to financially support them. I was raised in a home where the man of the house takes care of his family, and no matter how modern and independent I become, I still believe that the man should take care of the household. I know most people will not agree with this view, but that is my view and yes, I do think a woman should help her spouse in building the home, but at the same time I think it is also his duty to take care of the household.

Now when I date someone I ask different questions: it’s not just about falling madly in love, but it’s more than that – is he educated, does he have a job, or will I have to pay his way out of things, does he want a family, and so on. What I like about being an open minded, independent woman is the fact that I don’t look at love as just that, I look beyond that and think for the future because when you are relying on yourself for everything, you never want to end up in situations where you can’t fend for yourself.

Can’t afford to get sick

For me, this has been one of the worst parts of being an independent woman and that is you literally have no time to get sick. Getting sick with flu or whatever the case maybe is simply not an option and when it does happen it’s like your whole world comes to a standstill. It sounds hectic because it is, you know that there is no one else to take care of everything when you get sick, and no one will go to work on your behalf. So you realise that the option of being sick is the last thing you want to have happen to you.

You can treat yourself any time

I have said negative things about being an independent woman but the best part that I truly enjoy is the fact that I don’t have to answer to anyone, I am my own boss. I can go shopping and buy whatever I wish, provided I can afford it of course :-). I can plan and fulfil my dreams and goals without having to first consult anyone. If I fail at something, only I have to know about it, and I can choose to start over or move on. I get to choose who I want to stay in my life and get rid of friends I no longer need to be associated with. I make the decisions and I rule my household the way I want it.

Here are just some of the things that people tend to think of when they hear the words ‘independent woman’. They are true, but these are qualities that I think every woman should have, because in every woman there is a strong independent woman who is waiting to be awoken.

  • She is strong and knows what she wants
  • She is not shy to speak her mind
  • She is able to give and receive love
  • She stands up for what she believes in
  • She has a sense of right and wrong (i.e. morals)
  • She has self-esteem and self-motivation
  • She knows who she is and will not compromise
  • She can be both dependent, independent, and interdependent
  • She can access her wisdom and will power
  • I hope you learnt something new about me and also, that being independent can also be an awesome experience. #StayTrendi

    Written by Phoebe Sibomana


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