Getting into my late twenties, I have realised that there are a lot of expectations that build up, whether from your family, friends and even yourself, about finding that particular significant other. This week’s blog is all about helping you – and myself – get this in order and to stop feeling this panic or fear that comes over when confronted with committing to someone or else…

First of all, if you are single and under 30 years old then it is not the end of the world for you my friend. It is actually perfectly fine and you need to stop panicking and feeling like time is against you. I know that during our parents’ time, if you were turning 25 and you still had not found a husband yet, then something was surely wrong with you. Well at least that is what my parents say to me when they want to instil the fear in me that I am running out of time and need to settle ASAP. But let me tell you, in today’s society a girl my age, I’m 25 by the way, is still OK to live without a partner.

For those younger than 25, you will start to notice that most of your friends will start getting married and having babies like it’s the end of the world. But that should not be the case for you if you are not ready. You see, committing to someone when you are not ready to do so can lead to a lot of problems later on and you don’t want to feel incomplete or insecure because you rushed into something unprepared. Learn to be content with being single now and happy now before you start making someone else happy.

We are living in a digital age where everyone is on social media and talking about how great their lives are and which guy or girl they are currently “in a relationship” with or “engaged” to now. While viewing their Facebook or Instagram pictures you might start to feel left out or incomplete and you might feel like you need to join a dating site and maybe, just maybe you might also find “The One” and also start posting your own pictures together. Well, I am here to tell you to stop wishing and wanting to fit in with that trend. Not everything that you see on social media is as it is portrayed, some people like you might be “in a relationship” but maybe unhappy.

You see, social media requires you to put yourself out into the world unprotected. You might not realise it but when you sign up for any site you immediately make yourself vulnerable to others. People can now comment and say what they think of you and even sometimes make up stories about you. And this is sometimes the risk we have to take in order to be noticed and even some times in order to meet someone. But the trick is to always remember to be true to yourself, because if you know who you are and can stand firm to that truth, then no matter what others say or do to you, you can survive it.

When it comes to relationships you need to know that the “check list” that you have in your head of the kind of person you want doesn’t always help you. I understand that we all have standards and principles of what we can and cannot tolerate in a partner, but you need to know that not everyone you meet is going to possess those characteristics.

This is when you need to realise that being able to compromises doesn’t mean that you are stooping low, but rather that you know what you what and are able to accept a challenge. Just because the guy is perfect overall but missing a degree, should not immediately be disqualified from being “dating material”. Because you might find the one with the degree and he can treat you really terribly and abusively. So what I am trying to say is learn to choose wisely and with an end goal.

If you are going to date online because you are 28 and you just have to have the hubby or wife before 30, please be careful of people who “catfish”. This means people with false profiles and also be careful of creepy people who might pretend to be nice. Just be cautious when it comes to internet dating and don’t put your whole life on the site, please. If you do end up going for the date, please go to a public place and even go as far as asking for a friend or family member to accompany you and sit at the next table or corner where they can watch you and make sure you are safe.

Lastly, if the whole dating thing is really not your scene then remember that it is OK. You don’t have to be married by 30, at the rate we are going getting married at 40 doesn’t sound that bad either. So what I am saying to you ladies and gents is to know yourself and do what makes you feel happy. Don’t worry about your parents, sure they might have good intentions, but you are the one that will be in the relationship or marriage, so choose wisely.

If you found this blog helpful please let me know. I like to read your comments and know your views. #StayTrendi

Written by Phoebe Sibomana

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