The word ‘Blesser’ has been on everyone’s lips lately and you’ve probably heard enough of it already or perhaps you don’t even know what it is. Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble if you chose the latter but ‘Blesser’ is just a new term for the old and overused ‘Sugar-daddy’.

Blessers are essentially rich guys (often married) who shower young women (‘Blessees’) with expensive gifts in return for sexual pleasures.

It’s believed that the word ‘Blesser’ started trending when young women began posting pictures of themselves on vacation, sipping on expensive alcohol with the caption #blessed. Their friends would proceed to ask who they were being ‘blessed’ by and the answer is (obvious) – their ‘sugars’. But because ‘Sugar-daddy’ carries so much weight and connotations, ‘Blesser’ happens to be a perfect substitution as it is less known with its negative connotations but the practise is the same nevertheless.

Young women have been dating older men for so many years now that most people have come to terms with it. But there’s one mistake we have been making all these years: we believe it is poverty that is driving them to Blessers, and that’s not entirely true. If that was the case, then a high number of underprivileged young women would see Sugar-daddies as their way out of their misery. Blessees, I believe, are just young women who want lavish lifestyles but aren’t willing to work for it. It is those women who’d rather trade their bodies because being a packer at Shoprite is “too low” for their standards.

Concluding that poverty is the main reason women resort to Sugar-daddies would be an insult to all the poor but hardworking women who wake up at dawn and go sell fruit and chips on the train.

Now, let’s put things into perspective.

As a young woman reading this, how would you feel if your father is never around and your mom is always in tears because he always entertains girls who are probably your age? Even worse, you can’t afford to go to tertiary next year while your father just blew R10 000 on his girlfriend’s Gucci handbag?

Sad reality is that behind every self-proclaimed ‘Blesser’, there’s a wife who’s being cheated on and children who miss bonding with their father. He might be spending the money on you but it is the family that’s paying the price. Most ‘Blessees’ have made it crystal clear that they are not in it for love but rather money, but does the wife really have to go through the traumatising divorce period because of someone who’ll probably fall for the next rich guy that rocks up?

I know you are probably thinking I’m turning a blind eye on the fact that men are to be blamed as well because “if they don’t respect their wives, who will?” But it all begins with you. How would you feel if your baby’s daddy never spends a cent on your child because his girlfriend needed a new weave? When did materialistic possessions become so important that human feelings have taken the backseat?

I was watching this episode on television the other day about Blessers and this guy was revealing about his life as a Blesser. The fact that he was about thirty years older than his Blessee didn’t really raise my eye-brows, what captured my attention was how he wasn’t ashamed to announce he supports more than ten Blessees. Sugar-daddies never have less than five gold-diggers (see why they introduced lighter words to dilute the seriousness of the trend?). Their approach is that they treat each Blessee as if she were the only one, while there’s plenty he is having sexual intercourse with.

“If you had to eat chicken every day, would you enjoy it? No, you wouldn’t! You must eat chicken today and something else tomorrow…” says the guy on television.

Now if we agree that he’s sexual with all his Blessees and she might have another guy who’s sponsoring her lifestyle, doesn’t that put you in higher risk of contracting diseases? Remember the other sponsor has his own set of Blessees he’s sleeping with as well! South Africa has the highest HIV profile epidemic in the world, with rates of new infections among young women aged 15-24 four times greater than that of men in the same age group.

It is an open secret that money brings power. Rich men have power and control over those they engage with. You suddenly can’t tell the Blesser that you are busy and can’t meet him because he’ll be pissed off. You are no longer a human being but rather a gadget he owns and that is where domestic abuse initiates. Influential men use money to tie you around their waist.

He will pay your rent, and you risk losing all that should you be fed-up with his abusive ways. The first thing you will think about before opening a domestic abuse case against him is “Who’ll take me to Sandton for shopping if he is in Sun City jail?” Abusers first tie a chain (money) over their victim’s neck, and you can’t go further than what the chain allows.

I’m not presuming that all Blessers are abusers but we can argue that where there’s money there’s power, and what we call power abuse usually follows. If his intentions are to ‘bless’ you, then why does he prioritise entertainment over empowerment? Why does he buy you expensive booze and not cheap text books?

I know why!

Education will stretch your mind and enlighten you. You’ll be an independent woman who won’t need his ‘support’. Eventually, he will lose all the control he has over you. You’ll stop putting up with his other Blesses that give you nasty looks and realise you deserve better. You won’t think twice about leaving as you can settle your own bills.

Always remember: Once you give people the power to feed you, you’re giving them the power to starve you. #BlessersMustFall

Leave your comments below and let us know what you think of this week’s blog. Do you support this new trend and why? Are you a Blesser or a Blesee?

This blog was written by Inspiring Tomorrow author Ndibulele Sotondoshe

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