For many of us, finding time alone to recharge and be at one with our thoughts is invaluable. After a long day of school or work all we want to do is flop down on our bed and unwind. There are certain situations though, when this simply doesn’t seem possible. If you’ve lived with roommates, you might have found yourself in this very situation, and it might have seemed nearly impossible to keep your sanity! Recently, I moved into a house with twenty other people, and needless to say I’m trying to keep my head. For this very reason, I’d like to share some tips about how you can find your space when it’s suddenly infiltrated by others.

First of all, remember that you deserve to take time for yourself and be healthy! Mental health is important, and you should never feel that you need to compromise how you feel for others. Since moving into my over-capacity household, I’ve felt as though I have to spend my time socializing or risk being left out of activities. I’ve always considered myself a social individual, so it’s been difficult realizing that I don’t particularly enjoy being surrounded by people every second of every day. Sometimes I feel as though my head is pounding with all the different voices around me, so much so that I can hardly form my own coherent thoughts. When this happens I think it is important to distance oneself from all the hustle and bustle. Don’t feel bad about taking some time for yourself. This doesn’t mean you’re being rude! It’s simply not worth jeopardizing your own feelings because you feel like you have to be “part of the group.”

Find your way to unwind

Finding time for yourself means different things to different people, so don’t feel that you’re out of the ordinary because you relax in a different way than someone else. Whether you want to curl up with a good book, watch your favorite show, meditate, or go on a run, you should feel good about taking the time to get to know yourself. Remember, when you have a healthy relationship with yourself and feel confident in the person that you are, you will inherently develop better relationships with others.

Learning to live with Others

Do your share

While it is important to find time for yourself, make sure you’re not making it all about you! When you’re living with roommates, it’s important to make compromises so that misunderstandings don’t occur. One of the main ways to make living in a group environment run as smoothly as possible is to make as little trouble for others as possible. Of course, it seems like common sense to pick up after oneself, but unfortunately in practice it apparently isn’t so obvious. Oftentimes, I wander into the kitchen and what do I see? Dishes piled up in the sink, counter tops strewn with bits of food, and of course, tension running high. While it might not seem like a big deal to leave “one dish” every once in a while, keep in mind that those dishes can add up. If you clean up after yourself quickly and consistently, you make a lot less trouble for everyone else.

Still, cleaning up after yourself does not mean that you are everyone else’s mom! Your place as a roommate is not to clean up after others. If you notice that someone is not doing their part, take it up with them soon so you avoid becoming angry and passive aggressive. While they may be taken aback at first, they will ultimately thank you for being honest with them. Keep in mind that while it may seem easier to complain about a particular person’s behavior instead of facing them directly, your comments will likely get back to them and cause more trouble than you intended.

Learn to share Common Spaces

So, it’s early in the morning and you’re groggy. All you want is to step into a hot shower and wake up to a strong cup of coffee. When you wake up however, that happy fantasy is no more. The water is cold and the kitchen is so full of people going about their morning breakfast routines you don’t even have a place to sit and enjoy your mug. I wish I could tell you this scenario could be easily avoided but unfortunately this is not always the case.

After taking two cold showers in my new house, I realized I needed to adjust my own schedule. It simply isn’t possible for twenty people to wake up in the morning and expect a hot shower. Now I take a shower when I get home from work, and it’s piping hot! This might not be the ideal situation for everyone, but again, you’ve got to find what works for you.

Likewise, if there are several people trying to make food in the kitchen, don’t stomp on everyone’s toes because you have to have your food right away. It can be beneficial to plan your meals a few days in advance so you’re not taking over the stove every night. If you make a big pot of pasta on Sunday for example, all you have to do is pop it in the microwave on Monday and Tuesday. Also, if you know that everyone gets home at 17:00 and eats around 19:00 or 20:00 you can start making your meal earlier so you’re not in the way later.

Keep Diverse Schedules in mind

Another key point to remember when living with others is that everyone has their own schedule. While you might be perfectly happy staying up chatting until 1 in the morning, likely others will not be so happy if you decide to keep them up at all hours of the night. If you are in a common space, be quiet and respectful, and always adhere to others requests to keep the volume down.

Sometimes, you can mean well but still disrupt someone else’s schedule. For example, someone in our house recently turned off the geyser at night, hoping to save electricity. However, this meant that none of the people who usually shower in the morning had hot water. Needless to say, they were irked! Before you do something, think not only about how it will affect you, but also how it might affect others. When in doubt, ask!

Keep a positive Attitude

Even if you keep all these tips in mind, there will be plenty of times when you get annoyed with your living situation. When this happens, take a deep breath and calm down. It’s not worth losing your temper. If you make your best effort to be a caring and conscientious roommate, while also making time for yourself, you might just find that you make friends along the way!

Written by Eva Cortes

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