A month ago, a prominent magazine sparked social media frenzy after it went overboard with PhotoShop and edited Lerato Kganyago’s pictures beyond recognition. Tweeps were angry because, they argued, PhotoShop messed up Lerato’s beauty instead of “enhancing it” and that the edits didn’t do her beauty any justice.

Now, you might be asking why it took this long to do the blog but the answer is simple: At this very moment, there is another woman who is being shamed for her body type and size, but the difference is she doesn’t have twitter to her rescue. So, this one is for all the Lerato Kganyagos out there who have been made to feel ashamed of their body.

Before we cut to the chase, I’d like you to close your eyes and imagine a model in high-heels strolling down the stage with cameras flashing on her gorgeous face. Wait, please take a moment and close them.

Now my guess is, you probably imagined a thin, tall and darkish woman with her hair sweeping the floor or am I wrong? Bottom line is our world view and how we perceive ourselves is heavily influenced by what we see in the media, but it doesn’t have to be like that. We can create our own ideal world where someone’s appearance doesn’t define their personality, and where we can investigate the reasons before we judge.

Think before you say, please!

Think of that child you teased in primary and called fat or s’dudla. Your harsh words probably affected her self-esteem and she has given up on her dreams of becoming a TV presenter. I mean, where is she going to gather the courage to watch herself on TV if she can’t even face the mirror?

Never underestimate the power of words because once they are out, you can’t take them back in. If we agree that it is our complimentary words that build other people’s confidence, then the logic should be that it’s the harsh ones that can destroy it. Fact is, some people are doing every bit to ensure they are losing weight due to health concerns but aren’t winning – so don’t be the reason someone gives up that fight and eventually dies of obesity. If you have to, the only time you’re pointing out someone’s weight is when you are inviting them for a jog.

She Has Brains … and Beauty too!

What did you see in the last music video that you watched? Probably, light-weighted women with nothing but bikinis barely covering their bottoms and sipping on champagne next to a pool? Perhaps, the saying ‘sex sells’ has been largely exaggerated. We have gotten to a point where women are marginalised, sexualised, and objectified in the media that even the younger think there’s nothing more to themselves than that.

The young ones begin to focus on their sexual attributes and highlight their sexual appeals, because there’s no alternative way to gain social acceptance. I mean, why should they shift their energy on boosting their intelligence when it’s hardly recognised and appreciated?

Yes, you don’t own a media house and therefore have no control over what’s on TV and magazines, but you can make your contribution. Your sister’s desires will probably stretch to as far as watching Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda video but you can advise her to watch Adele’s videos instead. In a nutshell, you are teaching her that she doesn’t have to be half-naked in order to gain popularity and attract global attention – greatness comes from within.

Don’t wish you were Beyonce or Lerato

I was in a taxi the first time I heard Beyoncé’s ‘Pretty Hurts’ after I had been hearing a lot about it on Facebook. The song title rather sounded familiar to me and now I recall whose favourite words those were. Nothing mattered more to my neighbour’s daughter than her beauty. And you can trust her mom for always reminding her every chance she got that “Ubuhle buyasetyenzelwa”, which basically translates to Beyoncé’s ‘pretty hurts’. But it was after I had watched the song’s official video that I completely understood what Beyoncé was referring to.

People have this fixed picture and expectations of how and what you should look like, and living up to that is a hassle. In the video, we can see Beyoncé’s dermatologist (skin doctor) dipping a needle in her cheeks and she seems like she’s in deep pain.

In another scene, we see her dresser aggressively pressing her belly against her back as if attempting to make it look tight while measuring her waist. She’s obviously not happy with all this but all the spectators expect nothing less than beautiful, so she has to dance to the tune nevertheless. The point here is that even the idols you aspire to be aren’t having it easy either.

There have been reports in the media about women who have been suffering from anorexia (an obsessive desire to lose weight by starving yourself) so they may look like their idols. Now the concern here is that you are starving yourself to look like someone who depends on surgeries to keep maintaining her own body.

Take Lerato’s example, how many young women probably drooled over her PhotoShopped pictures and thought she had a body type to die for? More often than not, the pictures that grace our glossy magazine covers have themselves gone through a dramatic editing process so they may look perfect in your eyes. Think of all that every-minute make-ups and photography lights that go in one photo shoot, don’t you think you’re being unrealistic when you desire to look like something that doesn’t even exist?

Beyoncé is not as flawless as her songs may claim and Lerato is not as ‘curvy’ as she seems in that magazine cover, so it’s fine if you’ve extra meat in your bones. Matter of fact, neither you, Lerato nor Beyonce should be defined by their size.

So love yourself in Dr Seuss’ words, ‘Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.’

This blog was written by Inspiring Tomorrow author Ndibulele Sotondoshe

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