Dear Fezeka

I hope my email finds you well. I have been missing you so much in the last few months. It would have been so nice to have a friend by my side.

It has been a tough time. I told you when we spoke the last time that I found out that Bonginkosi had another girlfriend. Well, would you believe it, she caught him with another girl from work. So I am really finished with him. But that’s when I found out I was pregnant. I was so shocked and scared when I saw the result of the pregnancy test. He wasn’t going to help me, I only work two days a week, so I don’t have much money, and when I had Sisanda two years ago, my mother said she was not bringing up another baby. So what could I do? My mother would be so angry, also because she had been warning me about Bonginkosi, and told me to be careful. But you know how these things go.

It was so difficult, and I lay awake for many nights, but in the end I decided to have an abortion. I cried a lot and felt so lonely and so guilty, but did not feel I could go through with another pregnancy. It was difficult enough last time.

I didn’t tell anybody except the sister at the clinic and my cousin Thandeka in Paarl. And now I am telling you, but I know I can trust you not to tell other people unless I say it’s OK.

Fortunately I was only 10 weeks pregnant, because if it was more than that, the government hospital would not do the abortion unless there was a special reason. The nurse spoke to me for a long time and made an appointment for me at the hospital at the end of the week. I went and they examined me, and gave me a tablet and another one to take the next day. I went to Thandeka’s house, where I started bleeding, and by Sunday it was all over.

I was so scared that people would find out, but they didn’t. By the Monday I was back home, and Wednesday I had to work. I felt tired, and quite emotional, but also relieved. You know I want to finish my Matric, and that would have been very difficult with two children. My head is still spinning a bit, and every now and then I wonder if I did the right thing. But you know my story now – what else could I have done? Not an easy decision. Next week I will be going to speak to the clinic sister again. She was good to me.

I really look forward to seeing you at the end of the year and I hope your year so far has been a bit happier than mine. Thank you for listening to my story.

Much love


Tell us: Why did Babalwa decide to have an abortion?

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