I may not like you, but I do love you.

Can you remember a moment or the most excruciating time of your life? I can. As much as I had seen as much as I had, because of him, I had grown to dislike him. But as much as I did not like him at that time, it didn’t mean I stopped loving him. He was my uncle; my favourite uncle for most of my childhood years.

I got very emotional when he got stabbed. Nobody knew it but me; I hurt in silence. I often found myself trying to sleep, and then tears would just pour out of my eyes, the entire time he was in hospital. I didn’t know what to do; it was all so confusing to me.

I just could not imagine not having him around; his presence meant everything to me. If only he would have just stopped smoking indanda and went back to school, he would’ve been doing alright. The man had mad skills in everything; he worked hard as handyman and was good at it. But somehow he just managed to screw up.

When his twin sister went to visit him in hospital, he asked about me and how I took the situation. I was not fine at all! And when he came back he promised to change and do right. It was always for the time being; days later he got arrested.

He did not do anything that time, but he was there; he had watched. When the police came and offered him freedom for information, he refused. He said he wasn’t a snitch; he was loyal to his crew and he didn’t say anything else. He did the time and everybody else went free.

Although my decisions may affect you, they are not intended to harm you…

The following year, 2013, he was constantly on my mind. I remembered this person who used to support me in whatever I chose to do, who did not judge me and who really believed in me and my dreams. I missed him. So I asked his mom for the money to visit him in jail, he was not yet convicted, and his mom agreed.

I remember well, it was a Sunday. My very first time going to visit a prisoner and I didn’t know a single thing about the process. I got there and did everything I was asked to do without questions. I waited for an hour and I didn’t think I would actually see him. Finally his name was called. I was so happy to see him.

His face had returned to his true colour; he was light in complexion. You could see that he hadn’t had visitors in a long time; the way he was looking around, trying to see who was visiting him. He saw me and had the biggest smile ever, he was excited. You could see from his greeting that he carried a lot of love for me, like a little sister, whether I believed it or not.

We talked through a glass and it wasn’t pleasant. You had to shout so the other person can hear you. He told me that the following day he could be coming and I was happy; I really missed him. I had brought him some BB tobacco and cigarettes; the currency of prison, and some food. I left feeling happy that I had seen him. I wasn’t going to worry again about how he was doing.

The next day came. As I was throwing water out into the drain the next morning, I heard his voice greeting. I greeted and hugged him happily and we chatted for a while. He had come back a changed man. He did not rob people anymore, he just lived honestly, at least it’s what I like to believe, we didn’t hear any complaints.