I am sorry for what I am about to say. I spent the last month trying to find the words to tell you this but I couldn’t find them. So I have to say it as straight forward as I possibly can. I’m no longer happy with you. You are a good guy but happiness is no longer there. Our relationship has been predictable throughout the years. We are not going forward with it and it’s always the same routine. We don’t talk; you avoid arguments with me and you don’t share your goals with me about our relationship.
I have dreams and ambitions and I believe I told you about them. But I guess you are not ready for them. So instead of waiting for something that might never happen, let’s not waste anymore of our time and end this. Am really sorry but it’s my decision. I hope you understand and can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I froze! I couldn’t believe that she was leaving me. I picked up the phone to call her and find out what’s happening but she didn’t take any of my calls. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was even crying at some point.
I didn’t do anything wrong to her. I was faithful and I thought I did everything to make her happy. But I guess it wasn’t enough, and then it hit me. She once told me that she wanted to get married at the age of 24; well, she was turning 24 soon.
I was not ready for marriage. I guessed that was what she was referring to with ‘dreams and ambitions’. My mother had a jewellery box in the house it had my parents’ wedding rings. I put on my father’s ring and looked at myself in the mirror. But still I didn’t see myself as marriage material.
I was still looking at myself in the mirror when a knock from the front door distracted me. I went to open and it was Zandile. She had left some of her books and had come to pick them up. I didn’t know what to say to her so we stood in silence.
“I’ve come to fetch some of my books,” she was still at the door when she broke the awkward silence.
I still had my father’s ring on. I let her in and she went on to the study and got her books. As she was about to leave she stopped and looked at me. I asked whether she wanted something to drink and she said no. I needed an explanation even though I had already made my own conclusion.
“Why?” I asked as I looked down on the ground trying to hide the tears from my eyes.
She stepped forward and put the books down and said, “I wish I had an answer to that. You are a good guy but I am not happy Kamu.”
“What are you not happy about? I mean, did I do something wrong? I need to know.”
“No you didn’t, I just…”
“What? In all the years we have been together and I didn’t do anything wrong. But I come home to find a letter from you telling me you are leaving, why now? What did I do to make you leave?”
“Kamu it’s hard for me to walk out that door. But I am not happy, that’s just it. I have to pursue my dreams and take charge of my life,” she said as she turned to leave.
“So that’s it. The explanation I get after three years together is you are not happy and a vague letter. I don’t get a chance to change your mind or anything like that. If it weren’t for the books you forgot I wouldn’t have ever seen you again. After three years and that’s all I mean to you?” My heart was ripping with every word.
She paused, turned with teary eyes and said, “I need time to think about things, Kamu.”
“I am not ready for marriage but I love you. Even if you can go live in another country for the next three years I would still love you. Even if you walk out that door and meet a guy in the street that proposes marriage, I would still love you. See thing is, I don’t need you here with me in order for me to love you, because you are in the most sacred place in my body… my heart. I’m even wearing my father’s ring and when I look myself in the mirror I don’t see marriage, not yet. But that doesn’t mean I do not love you. You can leave, babe, I will only miss you but I won’t stop loving you.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears so I ran to the bathroom.
Tell us what you think: Is there still a chance for Kamu and Zandile? Would you marry even though you knew you weren’t ready?