“Dear Caramello Bear…

I never thought it would come to this, but it’s been clear to me for quite some time that we are no longer happy in this relationship. Somehow… we have grown apart. When Megan was born I promised myself that nothing, and no one would ever hurt her. That I would be the father I never had. Present. Loving. Supportive. Who would’ve thought that I would be the one to perhaps cause her the greatest pain?

I do not doubt your love for our daughter for a second, and I know that you would stand in front of an oncoming train if it meant sparing her pain. That, at least, gives me a measure of comfort, and I know that for her sake, we would be better parents living apart than together. At least that way she will be spared having to watch us tear each other apart because we refuse to acknowledge that our relationship was perhaps never meant to last forever.

The writing has been on the wall for a long time, but I refused to see it. It started as something small, perhaps even silly to some. When you stopped asking me how my day was, stopped caring, and no longer wanted to visit friends and family with me… I thought perhaps you just needed a little space. The little notes you would attach to my lunchbox… the flirtatious midday calls… It all slowly dried up like a riverbed in the middle of a merciless drought.

When our daughter started wetting her bed a couple of weeks ago and having temper tantrums… I realized that she had everything but our love and attention. She perhaps no longer felt secure. I thought that together we could deal with this and reassure her that she is still the centre of our world but…

I knew that writing this letter would be difficult, but somehow I thought it would be easier than having the conversation in person. Judging by the tears… I’m a mess right now and the writing on this page keeps blurring. You…no we, both deserve happiness.

When you called out his name the other night while we were being intimate, at a time when I finally thought you perhaps still wanted me the way I’ve always wanted you… The look on your face betrayed the secrets of your heart. It was him you were making love to, not me. Yes, physically it was me, but in every other way…

I cannot… no, I will not share you with another man! But I also know that you deserve to be happy again, to feel loved and respected. He makes you happy, I know he does. Your eyes sparkle when you talk about him, the way they used to when we first started dating way back then. His name seems to be more on your lips than mine. As hard as it is to say that, I know that it’s true.

I found a flat and will call every morning and every night to speak to Megan, but right now I know it’s best for me to leave. You’ve always been a strong and independent woman, a free spirit, never to be caged or owned by anyone, and I refuse to be your prisoner. If things don’t work out with Kopano, I’ll be waiting, but your happiness belongs to the one who holds your heart.

Love you always,
Paul

P.s –I hope we can work out visitation rights without hurting each other anymore than we already have.”

By the time Claire was finished reading the letter she could barely breathe, the scrunched up tissue in her hand soiled with black with mascara and soaked in tears. She knew that their relationship was in trouble, but she didn’t realise that the extent of the damage was irreparable. After calling her sister to come and pick up Megan for a sleepover, she dialled Kopano’s number and with tears of regret streaming down her cheeks she simply said

“Please come… He’s left me. Paul is gone.”

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