“Hey stranger, how are you doing?” Lu asked with a quizzical look that was half curious and half something else. Lindy just couldn’t work out quite what.

“Ag dude, you know same old same old,” Lindy answered hoping the conversation would sway away from her. But her friend wouldn’t give up that easily.

“Wow, married for what 6 seconds and already you feel like that? You look great though, killer heels, I hate you.”

“Yeah, they’re quite something hey. Pity I’ve got no better occasion to wear them, but church will do.” She said rolling her eyes at the thought of her dull life. “YOU on the other hand look hot, mhhh, what’re you up to?” If she doesn’t bite I’ll never get her off my back, Lindiwe thought. Lindy really was a better listener than a sharer, and being in the spotlight of the conversation was not her favourite place.

“Dudette, you won’t believe it. Star and I are over!”

“What! Not again? What are you doing to the poor child?”

“I don’t know! I just realized while I was at camp that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t want ‘THIS’, we’ve done it and I’m really, really not feeling it anymore”

“Are you bored? How did he take it? Poor baby, he must be shocked and devastated. I thought things were good. What happened?” Hook, line and sinker, Lindy thought as she purposefully lined up the twenty-one questions she would ask so that her friend could dwell on her own problems and not try to delve into what was happening in Lindy’s life. When she starts, she can’t stop, Lindy thought, especially when they hadn’t seen each other for so long.

“I don’t know. He’s awesome in every way. I just don’t want the set up we have. I hope he doesn’t take me back if I go begging… But, I WON’T GO BEGGING! I think I dumped him because I know he’ll always be there and I wanna live a little, you know, explore, experience, exercise my right to be wild and reckless, and everything that has ex in it…” She arched the eyebrow again. ECSTACY is what she was saying with her eyes, all things wild and wonderful that only a 20-year-old could wish for from life.

“Come on Lulama, you know you had it all with him, and more. What do you want, kid, a life like mine, a relationship for 6 months and then eternal life with the nine cats? Trust me, it aint all that glorious.” She really was speaking from her heart: as beautiful as things appeared on the outside, her life felt like faded rainbow colours on the inside.

Life was good in many aspects for Lindiwe, at 28 she was in good health, had a job she enjoyed most days, a boyfriend she adored, her own place which meant total independence, and a very bright future ahead. What more could a girl ask for? A lot of girls her age would love to be her: a slender beauty inside and out. But something very dark was troubling her, hovering over her like a dark cloud. Most days she just felt like crawling into a deep dark hole and just staying there in lotus position, but life had to go on. It may be for the living but she was feeling like a walking zombie.

“I know I ramble most times but I honestly don’t like the sound of my own voice. So, tell me what’s Mr Super Geek done this time?”

“Super Geek! Ha he would have a laugh at that. He’s done nothing wrong; he’s too sweet to do anything. He never does anything wrong!” Lindy’s voice was now trailing softly as if she were deep in thought.

“Gawd! He is such a puppy, isn’t he? The way he follows you around and asks for your permission for everything, it’s quite pathetic. But sweet, a girl can never have too much attention.” Lu was looking ahead as they walked and didn’t notice the cold, infuriated glare Lindy was giving her. She hated that Lu didn’t like Will, but then again Lu doesn’t like anyone.

They continued walking and catching up on the latest news from the past month. Lu was the one to dish out the most information. She didn’t even notice that her friend wasn’t paying any attention to her mad ravings; Lindy was gone, far gone, in a world of her own, lost in misery of a deep haunting secret. She had to tell Will, but how will he take it, will he understand? He has to understand, he loves me, he’ll accept it, he loves me, he loves me…