My heart couldn’t settle down because every moment I couldn’t stop thinking about Tapiwa. I was worried sick that no one would understand him because he was an HIV patient. How would he handle it if children treated him differently because of his condition? The only thing that made me forget about my worries was work. Each morning I would pray for his protection. It’s not like I didn’t care about my daughter, but he was a special child.

Fadzi didn’t like it at all and sometimes felt like I gave him too much of my time and attention.

“Mama, why is it always Tapiwa?” she asked sadly.

“Tapiwa is sick, my child, you must watch him. He is your brother.” I answered her.

It was no wonder my mother said I loved my son more than my daughter. It was not true though, I love both my children, but Tapiwa comes first.

I bought them the same things because I didn’t want to play favourites. They were both the same. It took longer for Fadzi to understand why I put Tapiwa first. She now understands that he needs a lot of care and for me to always watch over him. She would walk with him at school before she goes to school. Sometimes they fight, as siblings often do, and I hated them fighting over a stupid tease.

“Fadzi, don’t do that to Tapiwa, he is your brother. You must look after him. If you fight, when I die who will stand by you?” I spoke patiently to her. “Fadzi, this is your brother, your father passed away and Tapiwa is your only family. I want you to love one another, that’s my wish.”

They would listen well and become silently.

It broke my heart when they fought. Their father’s family had turned their backs on them. The father died having no relationship with his children. It pained me and my wish was to get married to a man who loves both my children.

My father had become a father to them until he had an accident. My dad loved my kids, showed them the way and disciplined them. Today when someone asks for my kids to spend weekends or holiday with them, my father refuses, saying they are best with him. He taught them the scriptures. They now know verses and I encourage them to go to church.

I’ve been taking them to church since they were young. I encourage them to work hard at school but Tapiwa’s health causes a big strain in his life. His stubbornness worries me a lot, he doesn’t listen. His teachers say he is a slow learner. I sat him down, explaining why he has to work hard.

Sometimes I thought he had Down Syndrome, maybe that’s why he took longer to learn. I got him extra lessons which he attended every weekday after school. My being absent in his life forced him to learn to cook for himself. His aunts would be at work so he would have to cook for himself. His sister, Fadzi would be still in school. He also washes his own socks and
polishes his shoes.

I think growing up has taught him a bit about life. My worries are always affecting my daily life. I have infected him with a sickness and now he has to take the suffering of it. In the
times when I was pregnant, no one taught us about HIV, not even my parents. Will he have a girlfriend? Will she be able to accept his status? Will he blame me for being infected with HIV? Will he ever marry?

I could have prevented him getting the disease. I worry that he won’t enjoy his youth and maybe he will face a lot of rejection from his peers. I had a lot of questions, but I believe God will make a way. God gave me a son; he will make his life easy and full of peace. Now he is twelve years old. Thank God for that. I know he will grow as old as other people.

Instead of thinking what I could have done, I have learnt to accept life as it comes. God is with him, he will bless him and one day he will understand why his life’s like that. God has given him to me, he will bless him and give his life purpose.

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Tell us what you think: What words of encouragement would you give Chireki?