Monday April 1st

I have just sent a letter to Aunt Jessica, the Agony Aunt. My letter read:

Dear Aunt Jessica,

I am an 18-year-old schoolboy. My mother is the only person who says that I’m handsome and many people have proven it otherwise.

Well, I saw this beautiful girl, I don’t want to mention her name. She is my next-door neighbour in the estate. I gathered and memorised all the pick-up lines I could get my hands on. She then fell for my charm and later on became my girlfriend. The problem started when I realised that she was another man’s wife. Her husband came back from abroad only to find us intimate on their matrimonial bed.

She didn’t tell me that she had a husband. He was a 45 while she was only 14. I can’t recall the number of strokes I received from the previous flogging, because of her. My good name was tarnished in a jiffy and I became the latest gossip among idle women.

Now, she wants to break up with me after everything she and I have been through. Please help, I am so confused, I can’t break up with her because I love her so much.

Yours in desperation,

Jimmy the scientist.

Tuesday April 2nd

I am so happy today that schools have closed for eight fabulous weeks! Now Nigel Carmichael, the school bully, is nothing but a bad memory. I can’t wait to see the moronic look on his face when we reopen school next term.

He will be really pissed off after finding out that I hid a live tarantula in his locker!
That’s what he deserves after he locked me inside the toilet for the whole day.

Thursday April 4th

I got a letter from Aunt Jessica! I read it while taking a sip of black coffee. It read:

Dear Jimmy the scientist,

Wow! That’s a sad story you have there. First of all, you should appreciate yourself for who you are. Secondly, you should stop going out with her due to obvious reasons. She is underage, it is a crime – according to the Constitution of Kenya – to indulge in sex with a minor. A minor is anyone below the age of sixteen. You can be jailed or forced to pay a huge fine for that. This applies to her supposed ‘husband’ too.

Being in love is not a crime, but the crime is when you are in love with an underage person. But then, what is done is already done. Move on with another woman of your age. There are so many fish in the sea, sweetheart.

I know how hard it is, but it is for the best. Or opt for another solution: abstinence. Abstain from sex until you are ready. You are still young and you have a whole life ahead of you, a bright future.

Yours sincerely,

Aunt Jessica.

Hmm! She sounds just like my mother!

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Tell us: What do you make of Aunt Jessica’s advice to Jimmy?