“TT, what’s wrong?” Lerato asked as we walked to school.

I looked at her and I couldn’t help but cry so hard that my eyes began to swell and my throat became sore. She asked me no more and held me close as she consoled me and wiped my tears away as we reached the class.

“Are you well, Thando Thebe?” Miss Tunzi asked. I nodded, but she looked unconvinced.

“I always knew that Mme Maggie was cruel, but really TT! Those words are harsh even for her.” Lerato said to me as we walked. “TT, I’m so sorry, but I’m always here for you. OK?”

Someone came up to her and I recognised the figure. It was the same figure that had carried me to the clinic and back home to help uMama. He pulled Lerato close and they spoke. At first she was smiling, the way a girl smiles in front of her crush. But then she stopped when he looked at me. Suddenly she walked back to me and urged me to walk faster. I dared not ask why because when she gets angry she gets snappy and I am not the type to withstand an argument.

“Uyamazi?” she asked as she put on the bright pink cherry lip gloss that I bought her a few weeks back.

“Not really…He is the guy I told you about, the one who helped me.”

She kept quiet for a while and then she finally said: “Well, his name is Molutsi, but he said you can call him Mo. He wants to meet you. He said something about wanting to be friends.”

I looked at her. “We both know that I’m not interested.”

“You should go, TT. Uyababa lomjita. Come on… Please.”

“You like him, don’t you?” We both laughed in unison.

Later on that week, I kept bumping into Molutsi. He was always looking at me and I couldn’t help but look back. He was in matric and I didn’t even know we were in the same school. It got harder to not see him whenever he walked in my direction. I hid.

I ran far away from him, when all I wanted to do was get closer to him. I had to stop myself.

I was doing much better since Mme Maggie hired a nanny and gave me enough time to study and look after my mother. I finally impressed Mr Goldberg, my sponsor. He was willing to pay for my varsity and I was not going to let this opportunity slide away because of a boy!

Things were definitely getting better. UMama had started taking her meds and was looking nourished and healthy.

“You’re beautiful.” I heard a familiar voice say as I sat in the library waiting for Lerato.

It was him! “I have been meaning to talk to you,” he said.

“Mo!” another matriculant shouted as he came closer to me.

“SHHH! It’s a library, Lesiba. Uyarasa. You’re making a geraas.” Molutsi said quietly.

“Sorry, but Maths is starting. Mr Roberts is here,” the guy said. His eyes suddenly fell on me. “Baby girl, ugrand?”

Molutsi looked at him and frowned and the guy dashed out.

“Let’s meet at five ko spaza… OK?”

I smiled. As he walked out, Lerato walked in. “What happened? Tell me chommie!”

It was 4:45 p.m. when I got home and I ran to get changed into skinny jeans and a blue top. I was so excited, not that I should be. I didn’t really know why I was so excited about meeting Molutsi.

I went to Mama and kissed her sweet forehead and smiled. “I’m in love mama,” I laughed.

She looked at me and laughed too. “Really?” she laughed. “When you come back from wherever you’re going…” she opened her eyes wide because we both knew where I was going; she sensed it, “you can tell me all about it.”

As I walked to the kitchen to grab a snack, my heart sank. It was Baba. In the flesh. I began to cry because he was so drunk he didn’t even realise I was in the room.

“You’re late.” Molutsi said, but he noticed I was crying and he just took my hand and we started walking. I found myself in his arms at the back of his house. He was consoling me and I felt warm in his arms. I felt safe with this stranger; it was as if I knew him so well.

***

“Are you awake?” he smiled.

“What’s the time?” I asked.

“7:56,” he said. And I stood up in a hurry.

“Yoh, fanele ngihambe, I need to go.” He smiled and offered to walk me home.

When I got back home, Mme Maggie sat there with uBaba and she was angry. I had come back late for the first time. I was so afraid, yoh! But apparently she didn’t care about where I was coming from… She hadn’t even noticed that I hadn’t been in the house that whole time.

“Look at you! Jabu, what did you do to yourself. Uyisidakwa! Nxa! Sies!” she shouted. “I warned you! I did. Inkinga ikhuti you don’t listen, kodwa mtaka ma.”

UBaba just sat there and kept changing the channels.

What had he become? Why had he changed? What was different? Why had he chosen this life? What was going on in his mind? Did he even know who I was? Had he forgotten about our family so fast? This alcohol! Did it also wipe his memory away?

That night I couldn’t sleep. They were fighting and I heard loud shouts and screams. I also heard Mama’s voice as she cried and protested as Baba roared at her words.

“I hate you, Jabu!” Umama had finally shouted.

“Anginandaba, I don’t care, Zanele.” he said.

I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop. I walked to the dining room where they were arguing and watched them fight. They were so clustered with hate that they didn’t notice me standing there.

“Jabu, you disappointed me. You shamed me. I love you but I guess I was not good enough for you. That’s why you brought all those different women to the house. Was it worth it?” Mama asked.

“Zanele, I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry. I told you that I’m sorry!” Baba shouted.

“There you go again, Jabu, claiming that you have changed. No! I won’t believe that nonsense again.” She shouted and tears started falling down her cheeks.

“I know, Zanele. I fucked up. People make mistakes…” he said.

“You molested me and got me sick,” she said as she slowly sat down. “When I believed you had changed, you proved me wrong…”

Baba looked down in shame.

“You raped me!”

And with that I could not stand there and listen anymore. I cried out and they saw me. Before they could stop me, I found myself running. I didn’t know where to, I just ran. I wanted to get away from them. From the lies and the pain. I just wanted to get away. It started to rain. I had cramps on that day because my time had come.

I ran until I found myself knocking on Moluti’s door, begging him to let me in. And he did. Even though I was wet from the rain and from my tears, when he held me, his eyes searched for mine and when they found mine…. he kissed me. He kissed the pain away.

His lips met mine and I could taste the salt from my tears. “I’m sorry,” he said.

***

Tell us: There is a lot of sadness in this house. Do you think that running away from it is going to solve anything?