When we met, he gave me the reason to change. He was simply the one I wanted to be a better person for.
I remember the excitement I had when we first talked. Although it took him about a year to ask me out, I was ready, I’d been waiting to say YES the first day we met.
You just know when you love someone. I’ve thought I’ve felt it before, but it wasn’t this strong. I’ve never wanted to change for anyone. I never did everything for anyone and I’ve never felt ready to die because of anyone.
I’ve never been able to express my feelings since I was young. I’ve also learnt to deal with loss and I taught myself to never depend on anyone. So when a guy broke up with me or something, it did hurt a bit; but I would quickly deal with it because I didn’t care, and I was expecting it.
By the time I was 17 I had become a player myself. Being young and beautiful gave me a great deal of an advantage. I took what I could and gave less.
But I also desired to be love. It’s our human nature, no matter how hard-core you can be. There is one thing you will want the most, and that is to be loved.
Twice I thought I’ve found it, but it didn’t work out. And it didn’t matter much, till I met him. I swear I could see it in his eyes that he loved me also.
So I wasted no time, I simply gave in. If I could literally rip my heart off my chest and give it to him, I would, but it wasn’t possible.
I didn’t even know how to show him how I felt, since I’ve never really had a real boyfriend. But I desperately had to make it work. Within the space of three months I’ve given to him everything.
When he called I went to him running, never wasting anytime. I did everything he wanted, even if I really didn’t want to. I was his submissive and I was willing to do anything in my power to make him happy.
But there was one thing I couldn’t do, “to change the past”, but ohw! I wish I could, just for him I would.
We found out that I’ve slept with one of his friends, not just any friend, they were close; he said they were like brothers. But back then we weren’t together and I didn’t even know they were friends. If I knew then, I wouldn’t have done it. It was the one thing I couldn’t fix, and it was the cause of the collapse of our relationship.
But I didn’t lose faith. I knew we were meant to be so we had to get past this. And we would, I just knew we would, we had to.