I just couldn’t believe it. I was in the brink of breaking down in front of him, but I held myself. He told me if I wanted to continue with the relationship I should know that he won’t involve any feelings. I just couldn’t stand the sight of him. I got out of his car and ran home, got in my bed and wept.

It was so painful. I asked God what did I do to deserve this, was it some kind of punishment, was I cursed or something? Because it sure felt like it, like I wasn’t worth anyone’s love.

But the next day I sent him a text saying am not giving up on us; it was just too soon, I couldn’t lose him now. He didn’t reply.

For days, I thought about what he said in the car, I didn’t understand, I still don’t. The more I thought about it, the more he seemed like a hypocrite. Because I remembered him telling me that he was also once a player, but I never judged him; I put it behind. But he had the nerve to judge me!

I was fuming, yet I said nothing. I didn’t want to be the reason of our break up and I wasn’t going to give up until he uttered the words “it’s over”.

I sent him a text two days ago and asked if I could see him, just for a few minutes, because I missed him. He came. He tried to start small talk, I looked at him, that even though I loved him so much, I hated him for doing this, but he was still my weakness, for the love was great.

He made me hopeless, worthless, and he made me realise that I didn’t deserve to be loved, that I was damaged beyond repair.

He is always on my mind, the last thing I think about at night, and first in the morning.