19h45, and the streets had gone dark except for a few dimly lit street lamps and passing cars, and just then we decided to get up and leave. We walked through the park, totally oblivious to the rain that had just started to drizzle down on us.
In subtle hesitation, Erica put her hand gently through mine and it felt good, as it always did. But just as I closed my grip on her palm to assure her that I felt just as she felt at that moment, guilt struck me as I found myself thinking about Don. As I always do on nights like that, nights like every night.
“So, are you going to see him again?” she asked in a hollow, vibrating voice, as though she felt him on my mind.
I thought about the number of responses I could give her, whether to lie and say no, bend the truth and say maybe, or be foolishly honest and say definitely.
I decided on a safe, “I have to”, and substantiated it with a passionate, “For my sanity’s sake.”
I didn’t know how long my unfathomable emotions for this boy would last. I didn’t know if she was right about my inability to commit; I only knew about the present. And presently, I wanted nothing more than an intoxicating night in Don’s cave.
It was pitch dark out, but I could see her face had turned ghastly pale and teary-eyed from the words that I spoke, and I began wondering to myself, was it possible for us to continue our relationship this way? We held such contrasting morals and desires: hers for monogamy and stability, and mine, for hedonistic freedom.
I knew the answer, as everybody does at moments like these, but in a futile attempt at avoiding the unavoidable, at least for now, I didn’t speak. Instead, I gripped her hand even tighter into mine and she, although reluctantly at first, tightened her grip on mine too. And just like that, our day ended just as it had begun, unfaithfully together.
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