“It is totally not wrong talking about girls. What is wrong is when we start talking about their weight, about who is pregnant, who is not good in bed. That is totally not cool.”

I am hoping Tshepang is about to back me up because I can see he wants to comment on this.

“Lerato’s sudden weight-gain is because of contraceptives,” Tshepang says and laughs, so do the other guys.

“Yah, yah, yah. I totally agree. Phela she is a regular at the clinic, she is always there,” Lefa says and pats Sello’s shoulder with his elbow.

“Guys, come on. Just because you always see her at the hospital doesn’t mean she is taking contraceptives or anything. And even she is, she is being smart and taking care of her future. Plus, contraceptives nowadays don’t make a person fat. Do you know it’s illegal to speculate about other people’s health?”

“Hay, go and try to convince others there. But me, I say those pills are messing her body up,” Sello says, and they all laugh out.

I sigh and decide to let it go for now because clearly my friends are on a mission. It will take more than one conversation to teach them to do right by girls. By I vow that even if it takes years, I will do my best to show them that what they are doing is wrong and degrading to women. The battle is not over yet.

I don’t have to wait for long before the opportunity presents itself.

Two weeks later, I get a chance to set things right. It’s lunch time at school. I’m with my friends, Tshepang, Sello and Lefa and we are helping Lefa with his assignment that is due on Monday. It’s about sexual abuse towards women in our modern society and he has the whole week to compile the research he needs.

As always, we come together and brainstorm this task.

“We already know that rape is sexual intercourse that takes place when one of the two parties are not in agreement on what they are doing,” Lefa says and writes on the notepad. He continues, “Now we need to know why rape exists in general.”

“Women rape too. Let’s not focus only on men,” Tshepang replies.

“No dawg, which man has been raped? There’s no such thing. Men are the only ones raping, let’s stop fooling each other,” Sello answers with an argument-ready face, if you know what I mean.

“Women rape too, bro. Men don’t report this because of obvious reasons: pride, fear and embarrassment,” that’s me, trying to spark some sort of debate with Sello while Lefa is taking notes.

“Dawg, women hate sex. That’s why as men we need to be the ones who take them on dates, wine and dine them, not forgetting lying to them so they can open up paradise door,” Sello says while giving Lefa a high-five.

“That’s a lie. Women love sex as much as men do. It’s just…” before I could finish my sentence, Sello cuts in.

“No bro. Since you were born, have you heard a boy saying a girl offered to have sex with him out of the blue? Women want to have sex with us when there’s an agenda, like if they want to soften their husbands and boyfriends after they have messed up. They know men can’t say no to sex.”

“That’s lies. Women don’t get a chance to offer us anything that’s sexual because we are too greedy and quick to ask for it.”

That’s when Lefa steps in to direct the argument to the topic given.

“Guys, guys, I think you are both losing direction. We are here to know why there is rape, not about who likes and doesn’t like sex. Come on guys.”

Silence falls upon us, until Tshepang makes a joke.

“I think every man wishes to be raped.”

“Shut up!” Lefa and I, shout in unison.

When things are back to normal, and we have stopped laughing, Lefa starts to give us what he thinks about rape.

***

Tell us: Do you agree that women use sex for their own agendas?