I knew I had passed when I fetched my results. My mother kept warning me about sex before marriage, she wanted me to be independent and be able to enjoy the earnings of my labour. She believed it made us stronger and wiser. She always said one day I would get married and one day I would be alone to be able to depend on myself. I believed it so I want to be independent.

“Khanyi, you better wait for marriage,” she said louder.

She had Jimmy’s number and when he came to see me she warned him also. We hung in the house with her presence, no sneaking anymore. Maybe Jimmy’s charm worked on her. Jimmy was a people’s person and everybody loved him; he was funny and caring and had a heart of gold. I felt safe with him.

I had been engaged with Jimmy for four months now and he had taken me to see his parents and relatives. They were excited to have me as his bride.

One-day Jimmy promised to visit me but he didn’t show up. I got worried and kept looking at my phone; it didn’t light up at all to show alerts. My mother sat with me on the couch watching TV. Rudo had gone to bed early.

“He is held up somewhere. Go to sleep,” she pat my shoulder, taking a few steps to the corridor. She knew I was worried. Jimmy was punctual and reliable, he always cancelled our plans earlier if he wasn’t going to make it, this was unlike him.

But then my phone rang and I answered it quickly.

“Hello Khanyi,” a voice spoke calmly.

It was not Jimmy, where the hell was he? I don’t know if it was a man or a woman. I just felt frightened. My mother came closer and sat looking at me worriedly.

“Hello,” I replied.

“Khanyi… Jimmy had an accident … Unfortunately…”

I interrupt the voice. I felt my mother’s hands comforting me. “Is he alive?” my voice cracked.

“He died on the spot,” the voice said.

I started to cry and dropped the phone. Is this real or a dream?

I struggled to understand. Tears flooded my eyes but no sound came out. My heart stopped beating for a while then the news recited back in my mind, making me cry. I couldn’t process this. It was a dream maybe. My mother took hold of the phone and talked to the caller. She held the phone with one hand and the other was pulling me close. My head fell on her chest and I sobbed loudly.

My other half was gone. How will I live without him? Jimmy is gone.

My mother took me to bed. She tried to help me feel better but how can I be better when Jimmy was dead. My heart was torn into pieces. I didn’t know why God made it happen. I viewed his pictures on my phone and smiled. I couldn’t believe he was gone. I cried myself to sleep, hoping tomorrow would make it a dream. I hoped to see Jimmy again.

This dream I was having was real; it was no longer a dream but reality. I looked at the ring again, it was all I had left of him. I didn’t know how to overcome things but my mother said, “You will get better with time. Cry as much as you want.”

My heart was shredding blood, I couldn’t control myself at the funeral. Tears flowed till my collar became wet. It looked like the end of the world, I felt it. No one would love me as much Jimmy as did and I would never love someone again.

I couldn’t delete his pictures and memories. He was still a part of me. My heart was not whole without him. My fiancé, my soulmate was gone and no one would replace him.

Rest in peace Jimmy, I love you so much. I will keep the ring until we meet again. That’s all I have left of you.

***

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