Second year pressures were much heavier than the first year. There were plenty of assignments, projects and researching to be done. I only spent three days a week with Jimmy and I didn’t have time during weekends; it was family time and Sunday was God’s time.

“I miss you baby,” he sounded like crying on the phone.

“Me too,” I said sadly. I missed him too much.

Our relationship at first, we saw each other every day, but now because of school I had to cut down some days. He had called in the afternoon but I had set my ringtone on silent because I was left with a month to my final exams. I had practicals and I had to do programming.
When he called it was after 5 p.m., luckily he was coming later.

“Wait at the red gate,” he sounded miserable.

“OK, can’t wait,” I answered tiredly.

I prepared dinner, chicken casserole with coleslaw salad and sadza. We ate silently. I was happy when my mother went to bed early but Rudo kept changing channels.

I cleaned the kitchen and left it spotless. Finally, Rudo went to bed. I quickly wore a jersey and sneakers. I could feel the breeze and chilly air out there. Jimmy waited in his car on the other side. I tiptoed quickly till I was there.

I didn’t notice that Rudo followed me but my instincts made me feel like someone was watching me. I kept looking back, front and sideways but saw nothing. Maybe it’s me, I told myself. I jumped inside the car and kissed Jimmy on his cheek.

“I thought you never going to come,” he said sadly.

“I am here darling,” I smiled holding his hand and then I rubbed his cheek.

“I want us to go to dinner,” he smiled.

I was disappointed, I couldn’t go anyway. I could do it after exams but I had to tell him, my studies came first and I couldn’t disappoint my mother, she struggled so that I could go to school.

“I know what you’re thinking… I meant after your exams,” he said calmly.

“Oh thank you,” I kissed his lips, relieved.

I can’t lose the man I love. Jimmy was as special to me as I was to him. He was a good man and reminded me to go back home early so that I wouldn’t cause trouble. He also cared about my studies. He hadn’t asked me for sex, he said sex should be beautiful and done after a wedding.

“See you on Friday. Take care and I love you,” he kissed my forehead slightly.

Goodbyes made me sad I wanted to be with him. I wished I was just finished with school and had a job, then we could get married. I walked quietly, Jimmy was watching me, he only left when I entered the house. I opened the window which I left closed and I didn’t notice Rudo was awake. I closed the window tightly.

“You weren’t sleeping,” she yelled loudly, looking at the pillows.

“Ssssh… Do you want mom to hear you?” I grabbed her, enraged.

“I will tell her,” she shouted.

I quickly closed her mouth. I heard footsteps drawing closer and I knew it was my mother. I panicked, my mother couldn’t know about my sneaking. She opened the door, I quickly removed my hands off Rudo’s mouth.

“What’s going on here? I heard noise,” she said furiously, scanning the room. There were times I would beat Rudo because she was mommy’s favourite but I grew up. I understood she was just being young. I couldn’t talk but looked at Rudo sadly.

She chuckled, “Nothing Mama, it’s a rat.”

My eyes opened wider. Rudo had done it because she wanted me to do favours for her. I knew her, I couldn’t keep giving her my pocket money. Rudo was clever, I was fierce, I wanted to slap her.

Mama went back to her bedroom. I crawled back in bed silently, I didn’t wear my pjamas. She pulled my blanket as I tried to sleep.

“You will give all your pocket money for the whole week,” she hissed.

I didn’t reply or show any expression but closed my eyes to sleep.

I slept, thinking about Rudo’s ridiculous demands. I can’t give her all pocket money, I screamed in my head, I must find a way; she couldn’t have so much power over me. My mother was always on her side. I didn’t hate my mother but that’s how she treated me before Rudo was conceived.

***

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