Four months later and I finally had the courage to face Andile. I thought he had had enough time to deal with what happened. I don’t know what gave me the courage to decide to go but there was no other time than the present.
The last time I saw him he had kicked me out of his mother’s funeral and said I had killed her. We hadn’t spoken since. The more I tried to make amends the more everyone pushed me away. Even Nobuntu didn’t talk to me anymore. They all believed their mother had a heart attack because of me and what I said at the meeting. They hated me and I had accepted it.
I decided that it was time to forgive myself. I was tired of feeling guilty and no one was taking my feeling into consideration. Hadn’t they tried to bully me into taking their son back, I wouldn’t have even gone there that weekend.
Andile’s rejection was so hurtful. He even went as far as moving from Durban and said he didn’t want to risk seeing me ever again. I called him to try and apologise. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him. Again, this family was taking his side. I was over them.
Melusi of course never got involved even after Andile asked him if he would forgive a woman who killed his own mother. He was still my friend and I was so grateful to have him in my life.
My life turned upside down a week after the funeral. I found out I was pregnant from the one time that Melusi and I had taken things too far and the results were disastrous. I hadn’t told him, how could I? I didn’t even know where I would begin. He was Andile’s best friend and this was going to destroy their friendship. I was losing my mind.
The morning sickness was killing me and the guilt was eating me.
I hid the bump from everyone. I shouldn’t have allowed Melusi into my hotel room that night. It was a foolish moment and now I had to deal with it for the rest of my life. I was not ashamed of my anger towards that family but I was sad that Andile’s mom had died at that moment.
My dad was against the idea of keeping the baby away from his father but I think he was also excited about the idea of the son he never had. There was only the two of us. My mother had died when she gave birth to me and my dad had never remarried. He raised me on his own. I grew up with no siblings and a busy father who was navigating the world of business and fatherhood. I was never neglected though. He made sure to give me his time. He was the best dad, always there. He was my rock throughout my divorce and heartbreak too.
I was finally here and there was no going back now. Mike’s birthday was not the ideal place but I couldn’t stay hidden forever. I was looking forward to seeing the rest of the group. The last time we were together was for Peggy and Lunga’s anniversary. That was a disaster.
After checking into my hotel room, I got ready. I was going to tell Melusi what had happened but I couldn’t deal with Andile finding out. A part of me didn’t want to hurt Andile even though he had hurt me. I needed a drink. I craved it but I couldn’t even do that now. The lifestyle changes that came with carrying a baby proved to be a challenge. I had accepted that I didn’t only live for me, but for the little life growing inside of me.
The atmosphere at the venue was beautiful, it was clear that the occasion was love. I hoped my tummy didn’t draw any attention to me especially because it was now showing a bit. I was four months pregnant now. The party was underway and I had seen a few familiar faces already. I sat at the bar and decided to avoid going to sit down for as long as I could.
Then there was Andile, he went up to the stage to give a speech. I couldn’t take it anymore; I just had to get out of there. I slowly got off the bar stool and hurried to my room. I smelt the fragrant lilies that sat in the vase on the table, by the door. I could feel my nerves getting calmer as I inhaled the scent. Breathe. Breathe. Suddenly I heard the door click behind me. Before I could turn around I heard his voice and froze.
Tell us: How do you think Andile will react to Zola’s pregnancy?